Iridescent weasels and other beasties

Two Months Old

2011-12-18T20:23:00.002-05:00

Six weeks and counting

2011-11-23T20:42:00.009-05:00

It's difficult to believe that Jack is already over six weeks old. When I was little, one of my grandmothers used to tell me, "The older you get, the faster time goes." I believed her, but I didn't really get it. Now I get it.

I'm doing pretty well. I feel sad at times, about certain things, but I don't feel sad as a general state of mind. It's an important distinction, I think. The latter, or any generally present negative mood (anger and apathy were the big clues after Dorothy's birth), would be a sign I was experiencing PPD again. I feel ... balanced, even-tempered, generally happy and grateful, with appropriate ups and downs from there. Chris and the midwife I saw for my six week check-up both agree that I seem to be doing fine right now. We all also agreed that when I start back to work (halftime on Monday ~sigh!~) that will be a time to watch carefully for how I adjust, how I cope.

It's been a lovely six, almost seven weeks. Jack smiles often and likes to play the "tongue game" -- if he sees someone stick their tongue out at him, he'll mirror the action. He loves contrast, especially the ceiling fans and a drawing Mairi made for him that hangs next to the changing table. He's stayed as mellow as he seemed at first, so far.

The big girls are doing well. They love on Jack as much as they're allowed, asking to hold him regularly.

Mairi is thriving on the greater personal responsibility that 3rd grade has brought, and has made friends with a classmate who lives in our neighborhood.

Nora is reading better all the time -- huzzah! She has trouble when she's overtired or hungry or stressed (don't we all!), but Chris is helping her learn some coping skills for the stress and we try to avoid the other two as much as we can.

Dorothy is doing well, too. She has two particular friends at her preschool, and so has "Molly days" and "Blaise days". She's learning letters and numbers and generally doing all she can to keep up with her big sisters.

It's funny, I was remembering some Christmas events and thinking with amazement that a year ago Dorothy was my baby. She was two, in diapers, still nursing, still a toddler in so many ways. And Jack wasn't even a twinkle in our eyes. I have SO much to be thankful for! :-)

[ETA: The second and third picture were taken by Grandma Janet during our lovely Thanksgiving Day at the camp, Paul Bunyan's Landing.]

Baby blues

2011-11-12T20:05:00.000-05:00

I am grateful for the fact that I have four healthy children.

I am grateful for the fact that I was able to get pregnant in the first place.

I am grateful for the fact that I have come through my pregnancies with as little long-term health troubles as I've had.

I just want to state these things up front.

After Mairi was born, I had the "baby blues" for a short while. I missed being pregnant. This makes more sense if you remember that I had pretty much normal nausea at the beginning of her pregnancy, and little-to-no middle and late pregnancy complaints. I also did not immediately find Mairi all that interesting—tho I certainly loved her from the very beginning.

I don't remember having much trouble with my mental state after Nora was born. Then again, between having her in the pediatrics wing at four weeks and me breaking my elbow when she was three-months-old, I might have simply been too busy to notice!

After Dorothy was born, I got downright depressed and was treated for post-partum depression for over a year. There was a good chance she would be my last baby, and I was simply not ready for that to be the case. Plus, I had other things in my life that were majorly stressing me out. I needed the medications I was on to get back to a more even footing.

When I found out I was expecting Jack, I knew he would be my last baby. Much as I love babies, I've never wanted to continue having them into my 40s. I made the decision early on to do all I could to be mentally in a good place by the end of the pregnancy.

Mind you, I'm not suggesting depression can be overcome entirely by a person's attitude. Sometimes attitude or intent have absolutely no impact. In my own experience, however, I've found that some things I do may help. If I stay healthy—eat right, get as close to enough sleep as I can, exercise—and if I face what's bothering me, I have a better chance of staying mentally healthy.

So, three-and-a-half weeks out, how am I doing? Mostly pretty well. I have my good days and my bad days, but more are good than are bad. If I'm overtired or dehydrated I'm more likely to have a bad day. Still, I have days I don't get teary at all, and when I do get teary it doesn't overwhelm me. I feel like I'm doing okay, especially given where I am in the hormonal shift back to not-pregnant.

So, what's still giving me trouble? How fast time is slipping by. Jack is already three-and-a-half weeks old. His looks are changing. He has baby acne. He's learning to smile. These are all good things, but somehow each time there's a notable development I feel both excited and sad—I'm always aware that I'll never go through this again with a child of my own.

I know being done is the right thing. It's right for me—given how I have been exponentially sicker with each pregnancy, I shudder to think how bad I might get in another. I have neither nostalgia for nor amnesia about being pregnant. And as I said, I've never really wanted to have kids in my 40s.

It's right for Chris—he was ready to stop after any of the previous kids, but is especially ready to be done now.

It's right for our kids, for our family—I know love multiplies, but I also know time doesn't. I like that with four kids, each child still has a parent's hand to hold. Our family feels right, feels complete to me now.

Still, there are days that I feel sad. As long as they stay relatively few, I won't worry. I'm too busy counting my blessings, even if I do sometimes shed a tear or two while doing so.

Apples to apples

2011-10-29T15:47:00.000-04:00

Mairi (5 days old) and Nora (6 days old)

Dorothy (7 days old) and Jack (9 days old)

Jack's birth story

2011-10-25T21:40:00.007-04:00

My estimated due date for this pregnancy was October 12—exactly halfway between my 39th and 40th birthdays. Each of the girls had been born near to their dye date, within 48 hours one way or the other. I'd been having more and more noticeable Braxton-Hicks contractions as the date drew near. I wasn't too worried about "going over" both because I knew it was nothing to worry about, so long as baby and I stayed healthy, and because given my experience it seemed unlikely to happen.

In fact, I was more concerned with the possibility the baby might come early. Not as much for his sake (I didn't think he'd come that early) as because I was having trouble getting to everything I wanted done before his arrival. I had set myself the deadline of being ready to be out of the office as of the Friday before he was "due" (October 7) and for a while thought I wouldn't get everything done. We had an appointment with the midwives that day, and by the time we headed for Goshen, I was all ready.

The midwife appointment was fine, rather dull in most ways. The highlight was that when she checked my iron levels, they'd come up nicely. Not normal, and I still needed to take the supplement, but close enough to normal to no longer be a big worry. The midwife checked me and I was only about 2cm, but that didn't overly concern me—plenty of time to get where I was going yet. There was one of the midwives we hadn't met yet and in order to schedule my next appointment with her we scheduled it for a week from the next Monday. I doubted I'd make it to the appointment.

And then ... nothing happened. My due date came and went. I went to work and found things to do and smiled when people said, "You're still here?" I came home and rested and walked around the block. By the end of the week, I was starting to wonder just how late this baby was going to be. I went to a hockey game Friday night.

On Saturday, after going out with my folks during the day, I made it to Chris's pipe band's annual fund raiser party in the evening. I went to church on Sunday. I kept my doula and family updated on whatever changes in my own condition I could observe, but nothing indicated the birth was imminent. I felt increasingly anxious and ready for baby to be born.

After church on Sunday, I was exhausted—worn out both from the physical realities of being 40+ weeks pregnant and from the mental stress of waiting and wondering. I went to bed and slept most of the afternoon. After dinner, despite being worried I wouldn't sleep well after the long nap, I went to bed more or less on time. And I slept, as well as I had in months. In the morning, I decided to take the day off from work as a "mental health day"—I just couldn't handle the thought of another day smiling and saying, "Nope, no baby yet!"

We headed down to Goshen at the end of the morning for the appointment I'd been so sure I wouldn't need. The baby's head was most definitely NOT engaged in the pelvis, but still free enough to wiggle about, and I was still only at 2 or maybe 3 cm. We talked with the midwife about what would happen if I didn't go into labor on my own: when and how to induce, what to watch for in the meantime, what I could do to encourage my body to get started on its own. It was a rather depressing visit for me, to be honest, though it was good to know rather than wonder and to hear the baby's heartbeat.

Monday night, when I laid down to sleep, I felt the contractions pick up in strength. I thought about getting up and walking, to see if I could bring them on stronger, but decided to see if I could fall asleep first. Amazingly, I did for a couple hours. That was the last good sleep I would have for several days. When I woke up later in the night, the contractions were strong enough to keep me from falling back to sleep. I rested, and slept a couple stretches of half an hour to an hour, but was mostly awake from about 12:30 on. I again thought about getting up, but I saw no reason to prevent Chris from getting what sleep he could while he could, and when I had labored alone before Dorothy's birth I had found it extremely depressing—not what I wanted.

We had a more or less normal Tuesday morning. Chris got the kids up and ready for school, and then drove them in. I called Tracy and my mom, to let them know things were picking up but that they should go about their days as normal for now. I waited till Chris got back to take a shower, but that was about the only concession I made to the stronger contractions and the fact that I'd had other signs things were progressing. I called our doula (Maureen) when I guessed she'd be home from delivering her kids to school, and we discussed what I could do to encourage things to keep moving along.

One of the things that most "what to expect" sites say is that if the contractions slow down when you get up, it might not be "real labor". These definitely slowed down, despite another walk around the block and sitting on an exercise ball and such, but I knew this was it. I was extremely tired from the lack of sleep, though, so towards the end of the morning I went back to bed to try to get some sleep. As soon as I lay down, the contractions got stronger and more intense.

After half an hour of being unable to fall asleep, I grabbed my iPod and started timing the contractions. What I discovered was that they were lasting longer and coming more regularly than I had thought. After timing them for an hour, I decided to call and talk to one of the midwives. We had an hour drive to get to the hospital, and I knew both my mom and Chris's were concerned we'd leave too late and have the baby on the way there. That didn't seem likely, but it did seem we could possibly head down now. The midwife on call (Patty) agreed, after hearing how things were going, so we brought Dorothy to my folks and headed out around 2:00 p.m. It felt weird to be heading to the hospital in the middle of the day—with each of the girls, we'd gone in while it was night (albeit the end of the night with Dorothy).

We got to the labor and delivery unit at 3:15, just moments after the midwife. The car ride hadn't been fun, but it was bearable—I could even knit between contractions. After getting settled in to our room, Maureen and Tracy arrived. I changed into a gown and Patty checked me for progress. The good news: I was 7 cm! Chris and Maureen teased me that I didn't react more, but I was very pleased—I'd been hoping for as much as 5cm. The less good news? The baby's head still wasn't really engaged, and that lack of pressure was keeping things from progressing further. Patty made some suggestions for helping with that, and we all settled in to see what would happen next.

As it happened, what happened next was not much. A nurse set me up for my IV, and shortly thereafter they administered the antibiotic for me being Group B Strep positive. We hung out in the room, I sat or bounced on a birthing ball (basically the same as the exercise ball I had at home). I had contractions, but they'd calmed down some both in terms of frequency and intensity. Still, I wasn't too concerned. Heading in to the hospital had caused things to slow down a bit, for a while, with the other births, too.

After a while, the midwife offered to check me for a progress again. Not encouraging: 5 or 6cm and if anything the baby's head was less engaged than when I'd arrived! I was feeling so very, very tired by then that this part is rather a blur to me. At some point I ordered up dinner (turkey, with potatoes and vegetables—no clear liquids only with the midwives, thank heavens!), and Chris, Maureen and Tracy got themselves something to eat in shifts, so as not to leave me entirely alone. I think I tried to rest next, without a whole lot of success.

Tracy and Maureen had left when I was trying to rest, so as not to disturb me. While they were gone, Patty came back and we started talking about my options at this point: I could take something to try and get some real rest, I could try a low dose of Pitocin to try to strengthen the contractions, or she could check and see whether I was progressing enough that breaking my bag of waters seemed reasonable. I'd had my membranes ruptured with each of the girls' labors, but it's always something to be careful with—there can be a risk of compression if the cord is near baby's head and there's too much room for it to drop down with the waters. If baby's head was farther down, we could try this route, but if he still wasn't engaged enough it would be off the table.

I didn't know what to think at this point. I was too tired to think, really. All I wanted was to sleep. I knew I didn't want to make this decision on my own, though, so Chris went to get Maureen and Tracy, so I could talk it through with them. Once they arrived, I set out the three options, as impartially as I could. I knew I wanted to take the meds and sleep, but it didn't feel like the right decision entirely. After I'd laid things out, Chris spoke up. You always do better with information, he reminded me, and in this case that means getting checked first. See where you're at and then decide where to go from there. This made so much sense, I knew it was what I needed to do—even while part of me was having a fit at the thought of not resting.

So, Patty checked me. I don't remember the number but she looked at me and said the head was down and she was willing to break the membrane—what did I want? Let's do it, I replied, not letting myself think about resting. I felt the familiar warm gush, and there was a lot of water. I don't know if it was more than with the girls, there just seemed to be a lot. I heard the nurse ask if the waters were clear and Patty replied they were okay, though stained.

As soon as I got up, the contractions began coming faster and harder. I opted to walk in the halls, trying to replicate or recapture some of what had worked when I had Dorothy. I had walked before having my water broken in that case, however, and these contractions hurt more—especially in my back. After a while, we went back in my room. I was feeling pushy sometimes, and wanted to be checked for dilation again. 8cm this time—an improvement, but not time to push yet.

I went through some contractions kneeling and facing the raised head of the bed, another position that had worked in the past for me. Not so good this time, and I was feeling increasingly tired and unable to cope with the pain in my back. At some point, I started to talk about wanting to take something for that pain; my support team looked at each other and ... well, they didn't ignore me, but they didn't respond to what I was saying, either. They could tell I was close to giving birth, even if I couldn't. As Chris observed to me later, hearing me say that confirmed his suspicion that I was getting close, he remembered me reaching that point with the other labors, too.

Patty suggested I try moving from the position I was in to a side-lying position, so between contractions I shifted onto my right side. Everything went really quickly at this point, so I can only write it as I remember it—I'm not certain it's what actually happened. As soon as I was on my side, the need to push became much stronger—irresistible, in fact. Chris told me later that he felt the change, almost like there was energy being drained from him through me, through our joined hands. Patty went to check me, and was about to say something to the nurse, but when she got a better look at me what she said was, "Never mind!" In my mind, I was thinking No, I'm not supposed to push yet! but my body had other ideas. And then I heard someone say, "The head is out!" and I felt this simultaneous wave of relief and, well, guilt—I hadn't been supposed push. I think I even tried to apologize.

Patty just looked at me and said, "I need you to push his body out." I looked blankly back at her for a moment, thought but I'm not having a contraction right now..., and then bore down to push him further out. Patty said, "Okay, now reach down and pick him up!" I really did need to be told, too, I was so overwhelmed and disoriented. I lifted him to my chest and it hit me: I'd done it again, I'd given birth!

The baby was rather grayish in color, and he didn't cry much despite being rubbed vigorously, but he was wide-eyed and so very alert. I remember looking under his leg, to verify for myself that he really was a boy. I think I asked if he was okay, because of his color. (He pinked up pretty quickly.) Mostly I just marveled at how wonderful he was. :-)

The rest of the time in the birth room (and for that matter at the hospital) went by quickly. The baby nursed. Chris and Tracy called family to tell them he was safely arrived, though nameless for the moment. At some point the nurse said something to the effect of, "Let me know when you're ready for us to measure him." and that was the last I heard about him being anywhere but with me, until I was ready. We snuggled and nursed for an hour or more, until I felt ready to move on. It was fantastic!

I feel like I could or should write more, but I'm tired and this is long and I'm ready to post it. It was a good birth in the end, but a hard birth going through—rather like the pregnancy, actually. Jack is totally worth all of it.

Words I'll be living by...

2011-10-24T13:45:00.000-04:00

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,
For babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep —
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

~Anonymous

40w 6d: Welcome, Jack Eamon!

2011-10-22T08:57:00.003-04:00

Pictures taken by my wonderful sister-in-law, Tracy

Vital stats
Born: Tuesday, 18 October 2011, at 10:29 p.m.,
Name: Jack Eamon Weber-Hess
Weighed in at 9 pounds, 5.2 ounces, and measured 22 inches long.
His Apgar scores were 6 and 8.

He had a true knot in his umbilical cord, but it was not tight when he was born. I hope to write up his birth story as a separate post. For now, suffice to say that Chris and I and the girls all think he's entirely wonderful!

39w 3d: Apple picking

2011-10-09T14:47:00.005-04:00

It's the end of the first week of October, or technically the beginning of the second week. It's 82 degrees out. I'm ready to have baby #4 any time, whenever baby is ready to come. So, what's the logical thing to do?

Why, go apple picking of course!

We typically make a visit to Stover's with the Barr family mid-October, but given my due date and the unseasonably warm weather, we decided not to wait quite that long this year.

Enjoy the pictures!

39 Weeks

2011-10-05T11:35:00.000-04:00

No baby yet (duh ~grin~). I'm mostly doing fine. My hands ache, sometimes a dull stiffness, sometimes a downright painful feeling. I see the chiro office Tuesday evenings, and am so thankful for them. My back is really not bad at all, and they do what they can to relieve the discomfort in my hands. Other than that, my only complaint is that I'm not sleeping well, so I'm tired.

I've gotten pretty much everything done at work that I wanted done before I'm out. Chris has been getting the house cleaned and organized to his specs, and if he's content with it then I know I will be! I swear he has more of a nesting instinct at this point in a pregnancy than I do. Or maybe it's just that since he does such a good job getting and keeping the house comfortable, there's not much left for me to work on.

So mostly, we're just waiting. How are you?

38 Weeks

2011-09-28T13:21:00.003-04:00

I'm here. I'm still pregnant (not that I would expect not to be at this point). I'm getting things done to be ready for whenever baby decides it's showtime.

My hospital bag is mostly packed, in so far as it can be. I'm 75%+ through my list at work of stuff I want done before I go on leave. The bassinet is in our bedroom. I'm working on the HR/FMLA paperwork stuff (I hate bureaucratic paperwork).

Some nights I sleep well, more nights I don't. I feel heavy and cumbersome and generally tired and blah most days, worse on days when I haven't slept well the night before. I've been successfully taking both my iron supplements and my prenatal multivitamin for almost two weeks, so hopefully that is dealing with the anemia. I have Braxton-Hicks contractions, more when I'm tired or possibly a bit dehydrated (tho I try to avoid the latter). Occasionally I have a contraction that hurts a bit.

There's really nothing more to report. How are you?

36 Weeks - Random Thoughts

2011-09-14T14:23:00.002-04:00

At the end of this week, the Little One will be considered "full term" and if I go into labor most likely my midwives would not try to stop it from resulting in birth. This simultaneously reassures me and terrifies me.

I have a new care provider, as discussed previously, but haven't yet had an office visit with them other than the initial interview when I was trying to decide where to transfer care to. The net result is that while I know I have a care provider, I don't feel like I have one. Stressful.

I have started getting ready for the birth by reviewing my phone numbers list, getting Chris to rearrange furniture as needed at home, and other similar things. At work I have talked with two of the three colleagues who rely on my for various stuff, and I'm well on my way to having the "stuff we need done before you go on leave" checked off. I know what my student workers will do in my absence and just need to write it up so they know. Does this qualify as nesting?

I have a tentative plan in place so I can stop driving in two weeks. I've never yet gone into labor that early, but better safe than sorry.

I have been having contractions that, well, they don't hurt really but they sure make my back ache. And I think the baby is starting to drop down significantly—I can breath of lot easier now than I could last week.

I wish I lived in a country where maternity leave was more generous, as I rather think I ought to be scaling back my work time, but am loathe to use any of my leave before I have to—I want it all to be available after the baby arrives.

Talking about my leave makes me realize I need to touch base with HR and see what paperwork I should file. Since my boss and I are on the same page, I tend to forget I need to formalize things, too.

If anyone has suggestions for easy, iron rich bag lunches please send them my way.

I guess that's all for now. If you want a post next week, leave a question in the comments ... otherwise, I have a lot to get done in the next four weeks and may not bother posting.

34.4 Weeks: Decision made

2011-09-01T10:56:00.007-04:00

Making decisions is not entirely my strong suit. (I'll wait while those of you who know me best stop snickering.) Making really important, care of myself and someone I love decisions? Really stressful, to say the least.

But, you gotta do what you gotta do, right? So, over the past couple weeks I've made phone calls, scheduled appointments with a couple local maternity care providers, and had some conversations. After having had the conversations, I thought about what I should do...

It came down to this: I could choose Option A (close geographically, but with a model of care I don't basically agree with) or Option B (about an hour away, but with the model of care I feel will give me the best chance of giving birth safely and avoiding an unnecessary surgical birth). After talking with Chris, my folks, and a few others, I slept on it.

I woke up realizing there really wasn't much to debate over: in terms of what I truly believe to be in the best interests of myself, my unborn child, and (for the most part) my family it was Option B, no contest.

So why was it so hard to accept that? Several reasons, mostly between my ears. Sure, the idea of driving an hour when in labor is, ahem, unappealing to say the least. The idea of making weekly hour each way drives to the office for my prenatal care is annoying in terms of both gas money and time—as Chris says, however, that's why we have the Prius.

The thing that was really holding me back from making the call was my perception of the unfairness of the situation. The unfairness of me having to drive all this way to get the type of care I feel (based on scientific evidence!) is best for myself and my child, despite there being three hospitals within twenty minutes of home. The unfairness that I have the option of doing so, because of my insurance and my bosses' understanding natures, when so many women wouldn't be able to. The unfairness makes me feel angry and made it difficult to accept that I still needed to do what's best for us, given our circumstances.

But, in the end, I did it. I am now a patient of the midwives at Fairhaven Obstetrics and Gynecology, and the child will be born at Goshen Hospital. The hospital is an official "Baby Friendly Hospital" and there have been midwives attending births there for at least two decades.

It feels good to have the decision made.

Reflections on anger

2011-08-23T10:30:00.003-04:00

I don't get angry well.

Part of this is choice: I don't get angry often, if I can help it. It isn't an emotion I encourage in myself ... in part because I don't do it well.

When I do get angry, I find I am almost always dissatisfied with how I react to what I feel. I tend to either blow up (most likely with the kids, unfortunately) or simmer impotently (social justice issues and such, as often as not). Neither of these reactions is healthy, in my opinion.

Part of this is that I was never taught how to deal with anger. I don't say this as a blame thing — one thing I've learned as a parent is you simply cannot teach your kids everything they need to know, ever. You have to do the best you can and then hope they're able to fill in the rest. My folks did a pretty awesome job overall, if I say so myself. But they didn't teach me, directly or indirectly, how to be angry in a healthy way.

What do I consider healthy anger? Well, it's non-destructive — to both myself and those around me. When a child misbehaves badly, some anger on my part is understandable. What is not healthy or acceptable is acting out that anger in violence towards the child, either physical (e.g., a spanking) or verbal (e.g., yelling excessively or saying things I know will hurt badly). In dealing with this kind of anger, I have found the Dalai Lama's advise to be useful. I don't have the actual quote at hand, but the idea is that it's not enough to suppress negative emotions (such as anger), but rather we should strive to replace them with positive emotions. By consciously striving to feel patience and be patient when I initially feel anger, I can better help my children to learn better behavior while showing them they are loved.

Healthy anger is also productive. It should spur me on to doing what I am capable of doing to right wrongs and fight injustice.

I've been thinking about anger a lot of late because of my maternity care situation. I feel a lot of anger about my situation, even after having had time to process. I'm angry that my choices are so limited, even as I'm aware that my choices are much less limited than many of the other women served by the midwives (there are a lot of Medicaid reliant patients in their office). I'm angry that in order to get midwife-based care that is covered by my insurance, I now have to drive an hour each way — if that office can and will even take me this far into a pregnancy. I'm angry at the hospital administration for choosing to eliminate the midwives. I'm angry at U.S. maternity care in general (i.e., too many hospitals and OBs) for not just not supporting midwives as a valid choice, but actively working to keep that choice unavailable in many areas.

To date, this anger has been of the impotent, simmering variety. It has also been self-destructive: I have been unwilling to even investigate the option an hour away, because I resent that I have to. No more.

Today I will call the midwives who are an hour away and see if they can and will take me.

As soon as I know where I am transferring to, I will write a letter to the hospital informing them that one consequence of their decision to shut down the midwives is that I will not be delivering with them. I would switch the family away from them entirely at our next open enrollment, but the fact is that the insurance plan centered on this hospital is significantly less expensive and I don't think we can afford to. And honestly, I have been quite happy with the care we've received from them otherwise. The admin needs to know that there are people in the community that care about the midwives, however, and they won't know if I (and others who feel as I do) don't write.

And if anyone has any recommendations for reading about anger and how to deal with it in a healthy way, I'd be grateful to have your suggestions.

32 Weeks: Cast adrift

2011-08-18T18:54:00.004-04:00

First, the good news from this week:

I passed the second OGTT, with all the numbers clearly below the cut-off. Baby is growing well, according to weight and measurements, which are as they should be at this point. Baby is now the size of "a large jicama" (I had to look it up)—about 3.75 pounds, on average.

Also, I had both my annual eye exam and one of my twice yearly dental check-ups, and in both cases I was deemed healthy.

Other happy news: Paul and Emily's baby boy arrived on Wednesday! (That's my youngest brother and his wife, if you didn't know.) Rhen was born in the morning and weighted in just under 9 pounds. Everyone is doing well, from what I hear—I've yet to see pictures.

On to the bad news, and it's a biggie...

The short of it: the midwives' office is closing at the end of September instead of at the end of October as they had planned, and so I have to find a different care provider.

The longer version: I've known since I when I opted to be with this office that they were being shut down. They're operated through the hospital and the hospital Powers-That-Be decided not to continue supporting them. When I started with the office, I asked when they would be open through, and was told the end of October—long enough to take care of this pregnancy. I was not happy that the hospital was discontinuing support, but what could I do?

In conversation with the various midwives I've seen at my appointments, I learned that of the six midwives at the office, two were office-only care providers (i.e., they don't attend births) and the other four were all looking for work. Fair enough, really.

By July, one midwife had left (ironically, she's now working at the other local hospital—which I can't go to because it's not in my current insurance plan—with the midwife who delivered my first three babies. Another was leaving some time in August, I think, so there would be only two midwives attending births for the last two plus months of the office being open. This was not enough for their patient load, so they were looking for an OB who would be willing to be part of the rotation.

Well, they couldn't find one. In the area, there was not one OB with privileges at this hospital who was willing to be, for a rather short time, part of their rotation of coverage. And so the hospital told them they would have to shut down a month sooner.

Where does this leave me? Excellent question.

Emotionally, I'm okay now. I was sort of numb at the appointment, and rather concerned for the midwife who was having to tell me this—she was visibly distraught and obviously felt terrible about the whole thing. By later Tuesday, I was angry. Really angry. I had a terrible night's sleep then, and so Wednesday I was weepy and confused. Last night I slept better, and I've had some time to think things through, so today I'm okay.

Practically speaking... There is a practice that has agreed to take in all of the office's patients due from late September on. A practice I know nothing about, who wanted the next appointment scheduled with them, immediately. I said no thank you, I want to consider my options. And after thinking about it for a day and a half or so, it seem my options are:

Find an OB I can live with and have the baby at the original hospital
Switch to the midwife at the hospital in Niles
Switch to the midwifes in Goshen—just under an hour away from our house
Have a home birth (if there's a local home birth midwife with an opening in mid-October)

Starting with the last option: I support a woman's right to birth at home, and truly believe it to be, for a healthy woman, no more dangerous than a hospital birth—and in some cases less dangerous. Yes, things can go wrong, in any environment. That's why I support well-trained/experienced midwives attending home births (who would know when things weren't as they should be), well-educated birthing women, and a change in culture such that transfers to hospital care are not viewed negatively, as they tend to be now (so no one would have any reason to hesitate about suggesting a transfer).

That being said, I don't really want to give birth at home. I like to be away from home for labor. I like to be in an environment where I can totally separate from my home responsibilities and just focus on giving birth. I like the time alone with the new baby, without the responsibilities and chaos of home. So while I recognize it as a (potential) option, a home birth is really my last choice.

Then there's the Goshen option. Almost everyone I've talked to has spoken highly of this office. But ... it's an hour away. Each way. I have probably six to eight more office visits—a minimum of 12 to 16 hours driving—and the gas money for that driving. Plus there's the drive down to Goshen when I'm actually in labor. The drive to the hospital has always been one of my least favorite parts of labor, so the idea of doubling or tripling the drive time is unappealing, to say the least. So, this option isn't my first choice either. I may call and talk to someone there just to see if they're willing to even take me on, and to verify that the midwives within the practice do hospital deliveries (there's also a birth center associated with the practice, where one doesn't stay long after the birth, but that's not what I'd want).

As to the first two choices, they largely come down to the same issue: there is an OB who I believe would be a good match, and I think the midwife in Niles would be a good match ... but they both work in rotation with other OBs who's approach to birth is not at all what I want. And while the care provider would most likely only be with me at the very end, for the delivery, their attitudes and expectations are going to majorly affect the behavior of the nurses, who I will be with for most of the labor.

I'll probably call and make appointments to talk with both the midwife (who I've already communicated with directly via email already) and the OB (assuming he's willing to take me on this late in the game—this afternoon I called a family practitioner who attends births and sounded like a good possibility only to be told I was too far along to transfer to him). Maybe after discussing my concerns with each of them it will be more clear what I should do.

The whole thing is incredibly frustrating. I don't think what I want is all that radical. I want a safe, clean environment to labor in. I want trained professionals who can keep an eye on my stats and baby's, just in case something develops. And other than that, and unless there are true signs of a problem with one of us, I want to be left alone to do what I need to do!

I don't want to be managed. I don't want to have my labor speeded up so that it follows some average pattern or fits someone elses time table. My births aren't quick, and that's okay. FWIW, Mairi was almost four days from the onset of real contractions to her birth, Nora was probably about a day, and Dorothy was a bit shy of two days. (Time in the hospital with each of them was less, of course, and none was over 24 hours of laboring at the hospital.) I don't want to be encouraged to take drugs to take away the pain—yeah, contractions hurt, but so do lots of other kinds of hard work (which we don't take drugs for). I've done this before and I can cope fine, thanks. I have my own support system (husband, doula, sister) and I really just need to be let be.

Why is this such a hard thing to arrange to have?

Anyway, that's where things stand for the moment. The only thing I know is that the baby will come, one way or another. I'll let you know how things develop...

31 Weeks

2011-08-11T15:19:00.004-04:00

Random thoughts this week, in no particular order (hence random)...

No news yet on the results of the 2nd OGTT. It's annoying, but whatever.

Had another conversation with the coworker who annoyed me greatly a while back by insisting that I "needed" to have a boy this time. When she steered the conversation to the baby's sex, I (a) sort of lied—I said we'd find out when he or she arrives, and (b) told her—politely, I think—that I'd rather not talk about it. When she pushed on with the topic, I said something to the effect of, "I just don't like being told what I'm supposed to want." I feel vaguely guilty but at least not extremely annoyed.

I can still wear some of my non-maternity clothes. I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing, and am trying not to think about what it might say about my regular fashion sense.

I'm not sleeping particularly well at night, even when the girls do. This is especially annoying when they sleep well.

I'm enjoying the relatively cooler temps of late. Yesterday was mid-70s and just about perfect as far as weather goes, IMHO.

I have yet to knit a stitch for this baby, in part because I'm seriously far behind on my knitting for other babies born in the last year or so.

I felt my first recognizable Braxton Hicks contraction while walking out to the car on Tuesday. Right on time (i.e., it's completely normal to feel them now).

For those of you who are, like me, amused by the food comparisons: at 31 weeks baby weighs as much as four navel oranges (i.e., about 3 pounds) and is usually over 16 inches, head to heel.

Little One is fairly active. In the day, I find this amusing and reassuring. I'm rather fascinated by watching my abdomen twitch and move. At night? Not so much...

I can't think of anything else to write about regarding the pregnancy, so I guess I'm done.

30 Weeks

2011-08-03T13:06:00.014-04:00

Three-quarters done. Ten more weeks. It's gonna fly by, isn't it?

At my midwife appointment this week I got my results back from my 28 week tests: bloodwork shows I'm anemic and I failed the Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT), which theoretically means I have gestational diabetes.

I'm not really all that upset about the anemia thing. I have been more tired in the latter part of this pregnancy than in previous ones, and it's actually kind of reassuring to know it's not just that I'm older. I filled my prescription for iron supplements and will start taking them tonight with dinner. Hopefully it will help my energy level, without too many side effects.

As to the GTT results ... well, that's more complicated. In past pregnancies, I was given a 1-hour, non-fasting test and if I failed that I was sent to take a 3-hour, fasting version. With both Mairi and Nora, I failed the 1-hour and passed the 3-hour. With Dorothy I passed the 1-hour (and there was much rejoicing). The office I'm with now doesn't do the 1-hr—they just have everyone do a 2-hr test.

Here's the thing: with the 3-hr test as long as three of the four blood draws show results in the acceptable range, and any outlier is not too excessive, you pass. With the 2-hr test, if even one of the three blood draws is outside the acceptable range, you fail. In the past, even when passing the 3-hr test my 2-hour result tended to be a little higher than what's considered acceptable. My results from this pregnancy? My baseline and 1 hour out numbers are fine (10+ points under the cut-off for the acceptable range) and my 2 hours out number was just barely outside the normal range (1 or 2 points over).

The results of this? Well, I had a choice: I could take a diet class and start doing self-testing multiple times a day or, since I was pushing back on option one being truly necessary, I could re-test. I'm scheduled to re-test on Friday.

I really do not think I am someone who needs to be treated for gestational diabetes, and it's going to be a real hassle if I have to be (not to mention a financial burden, even with insurance). But because "glucose levels rise linearly throughout pregnancy", there's a reasonable chance I will not be able to pass this second test either. On the other hand, "pregnant women undergo two OGTTs a week or so apart, individual test results disagree twenty to twenty-five percent of the time", so it's worth a shot. (Source: Gestational Diabetes, by Henci Goer, published on iVillage.com)

I am following the GD dietary guidelines my midwife gave me, in hopes that might help: no refined sugar at all (not a big sacrifice for me, really), small breakfast without juice (significant change, I've been liking a bowl of oatmeal with dried fruit and nuts plus an 8 oz. glass of calcium-fortified OJ), small meals no more than three hours apart (a hassle but manageable for the two days till I re-test). I'm trying to figure out how to increase my cinnamon intake within these guidelines, since it has a beneficial effect on insulin regulation.

I am just incredibly frustrated by this. If my numbers were all way high, fine, I'd do what needed doing. If I had a family history of diabetes or a personal history of large babies, fine—my girls were 8# 4oz, 8# 5oz and 6# 8oz—none of them big, none hard to birth, and the trend is down. I have no problem with taking a class—knowledge is good, and I'm sure I could improve my diet. I'm just totally unconvinced I need to be doing multiple finger sticks a day to monitor my blood sugar levels. Feh!

Okay, moving on now.

Other than the above, things have been mostly good. I'm sleeping pretty well—when the girls let me, and I when I don't stay up later than I should talking to Chris or some such. As my dearest husband put it, "Isn't it nice to feel well enough to have bad habits again?" I have some back pain but not constant and not a lot, and most of it related to my desk chair at work, I think. (I just can't seem to get it adjusted right for my pregnant body.) I feel quite good on the weekend, albeit a bit more tired than usual.

Oh, I've had a sinus infection for over three weeks. I went and saw my regular doctor on Monday, and he prescribed antibiotics for a likely secondary infection. It's impossible to tell if they're making a huge difference—I was gradually improving before and I'm still gradually improving. Perhaps a bit quicker ... or maybe that's just my imagination.

The heat's been miserable, but I'm hardly alone in dealing with that. At least I have AC at home and at work. Still, I'll be glad when the summer heat and humidity breaks.

Tomorrow is Dorothy's last day of summer school, then we have a two week break before the regular school year starts. The girls have had a good summer, I think. Mairi and Nora did a ceramics class at the local museum and greatly enjoyed that. We were finally able to get those two into the last session of swim lessons, and I can see a real difference in at least Nora's comfort level in the water (Mairi was already pretty comfortable). They had both wanted to do a cooking class, too, which is the only thing wished for but not accomplished this summer vacation. (Well, that and Mairi's desire to go to Scotland...)

We haven't been as busy with bagpiping as last summer. I haven't been well enough to manage the kids during practice nights, and the band hasn't done quite as many events. Mom and I took the girls to one parade that Chris marched in, and he went to another without us. I forget what's yet to come, hopefully there will be some of events still that Chris can get to, with or without the rest of us.

R.I.P. Grandpa

2011-06-26T07:27:00.003-04:00

Paul Hainault, my maternal grandfather, died yesterday. He was 90 years old, and had been diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer two and a half years ago (at that point, it was already metastasized to his bones). He didn't just survive those years, he lived them. From what I've heard so far, it sounds like he died a quiet and peaceful death.

I've been thinking a lot since I got the news about the things Grandpa taught me. More than my other grandparents, this is how I will remember him, as someone who directly and indirectly (through how he lived) taught me a great many things. Perhaps this is appropriate, given that he spent many years as a teacher, a professor at Michigan Tech, but none of the others were teachers as their profession. In any case, here are some of the things he taught me (in no particular order).

Grandpa taught me to print clearly and quickly.

Grandpa taught me there is almost always time for a game of cards.

Grandpa taught me that if a story is worth telling, then it's worth telling well and repeatedly.

Grandpa taught me that faith is about how you live, not just how you spend Sunday morning.

Grandpa taught me how to live all of the marriage vows, most recently "in sickness and in health" -- you just do it, no matter what.

Grandpa taught me that it's okay to be passionately interested in a topic, even if it's a topic that seems odd or unnecessary to others.

Grandpa taught me that people are more important than money. Always.

Grandpa taught me to look and see the wonders of nature and the world around me.

Grandpa taught me to sleep whenever you need to and can.

Grandpa taught me to enjoy the drive, and try new routes when possible.

For the record, Grandpa is not the only person who taught me these things. But these are some of the things I will remember about him in particular.

God bless you, Grandpa. God certainly blessed me in giving me so many years with you here as my Grandpa. Give Granny a hug and a kiss and tell her I love her, eh? I will miss you both, always...

23 Weeks

2011-06-15T16:47:00.002-04:00

Random thoughts about pregnancy #4 at 23 weeks:

I am completely off the Ondansetron (aka Zofran) I was taking for my NVP. It has been a week tonight since I took my last dose, and I have not felt particularly nauseous during that time.

I think I'm sleeping better now that I'm off the meds, but it's hard to tell with the girls waking us up on a regular basis. Chris and I actually slept through the night, uninterrupted, the whole night, recently. It was amazing...

Chris has now been able to feel the baby move. This made us both ridiculously happy.

We're still working on a list of acceptable boy names. (This does not mean we are asking for suggestions. ~grin~) As with the girls, a final decision will not be made until birth in any case.

The baby is about the size of a large mango or an ear of corn. This is a new-to-me way of describing the Little One's growth that I find simultaneously logical and surreal.

Yes, even though I have been told this Little One is a boy, I still tend to refer to him in sex-neutral terms. This is not denial about him being a boy, this is just how I tend to think and talk about an expected child prior to his or her birth. I was the same way with the previously three pregnancies. I think it's just that I know that ultrasound predictions are not 100% correct, and so I tend to hedge my bets a little. Perhaps it's the mathematician in me.

I have been asked if this pregnancy feels different, "knowing" that I'm carrying a boy. I'd have to say, no, it doesn't particularly.

I think crème brûlée is a totally acceptable substitute for chocolate, no matter what anyone else thinks.

It's nice to mostly be able to be happy about being pregnant, finally. (I'm ignoring the back pain and tiredness for the moment...)

I got new maternity clothes on Friday, and for the first time in my experience I could actually find stuff I liked when I was actually pregnant. (Oh, and Erin, if you're reading this, a fair number of these will likely come to you around Halloween. ~grin~)

The latest midwife appointment was very low key: my stats are all good, the ultrasound didn't show anything to worry about, found the heartbeat, etc, etc. I have one more four-week appointment and then I start my every-two-weeks appointments. This means I am startlingly close to the third trimester!

I think that's all I've got for now.

20 Weeks - And now for something completely different...

2011-05-26T16:59:00.004-04:00

Twenty weeks. Halfway through. It's a major milestone, right?

Yawn!

Sorry, but I'm still in the mid-pregnancy doldrums. This isn't a complaint, not really. I feel better, stronger, all the time. My belly is big enough to be noticed, most of the time (it still sort of depends on what I wear), but not so big as to be a nuisance (yet).

I'm doing well enough that I've been to a two-day computer training session in Chicago, and went out both Monday and Tuesday nights to dinner events. Chris isn't totally on his own when the girls have nighttime parenting needs, and I've been the one to bring Mairi in to school three mornings this week.

I'm feeling the baby move on a more regular basis. Not enough to do kick counts yet, but certainly every day. That's been nicely reassuring.

So, what else could there be to talk about? :^)

Oh right...

We had my twenty week ultrasound this morning. It was different from past experience, in that before I've always had it done in office and therefore talked to the OB (in Mairi's case) or midwife (in Nora and Dorothy's cases) right away. This office doesn't have the screening done in office, but rather at the hospital where I'll deliver. The ultrasound tech was nice, but didn't really tell me anything about how the baby's doing. She pointed out the heart and it's four chambers, and I saw that the cord has three vessels, as it should. To my untrained eye, everything looked about like I remember from previous scans. But I don't know, and that's rather unnerving.

Which is all well and good, you're thinking, but is he a boy or is she a girl?? Well, if the ultrasound tech is correct (and it rather looked like she was), then our girls get to have a little brother.

I have to admit, I was shocked! It took me most of the day to process and start feeling excited. I mean, I really was rather hoping for a fourth girl — even while I was reminding anyone who assumed I was having a girl that there was no way of knowing. I'm still processing, in some ways, so if you're inclined to say "I told you so!", please keep it to your self for a while, k? Thanks.

The biggest thing at the moment, strange as it may sound? Figuring out a name for this little guy! Thankfully, we still have twenty weeks to go, more or less...

18 Weeks

2011-05-11T07:46:00.002-04:00

Quick post, so I don't have no post as for the last several weeks.

I am feeling better, seemingly every day. I tried to stop the Zofran last week, got sick at about 36 hours, and started back on it but at a lower dose (half what I had needed). I am still at the point where maternity clothes are needed, but my belly is not big enough to really hold up maternity pants, which tends to be annoying. I feel Little One moving from time to time, but not regularly enough to do kick counts or anything like that.

We see one of the midwives tomorrow morning, and will schedule the 20 week ultrasound at that point, so no, we do not yet know if the baby is a boy or girl. Yes, we will probably find out, and yes, I will share whatever we learn.

I saw my endocrinologist yesterday, my thyroid levels have been in the normal range for the past two blood tests, so I'm not likely to need thyroid meds this pregnancy, yay! I'm to see him in about two months (because of my previous history, he'd rather keep an eye on things), with bloodwork then but not in between.

That's really all for now. I'll try to post something tomorrow, after the appointment.

13 Weeks

2011-04-06T19:30:00.003-04:00

So, depending which books you read, I'm either done with my first trimester or in the last week of it. And I'm feeling like a complete grump tonight and going to vent. Stop reading now if you don't want to hear it.

This is a particularly bleh time of pregnancy, IMHO. Thanks to being medicated, I'm not getting sick all the time — but I don't feel truly well any of the time yet, either. I'm enough bigger that I don't fit into any fitted non-pregnancy clothes — but not big enough to fit into maternity clothes, plus pressure on my midsection makes me feel ickier than the (currently) normal icky. I have insomnia regularly, at least once a week. I can't feel the baby move, so I have no clue if he/she is okay. I worry constantly what the medications or the not eating or the not being able to take my prenatal vitamins or the, well, worrying might be doing to the baby.

On top of all that, the midwife ended my last visit with an off-handed comment that I seemed large for my dates, maybe I was having twins — she'd be better able to tell at my next appointment. Which was to be this Friday, but has been rescheduled for next Wednesday instead. When I was a kid I thought having twins sounded so fun. (I also wanted to name them Candy and Cain. ~sigh~) Then I grew up, had my first child, and have since thanked Providence each time the ultrasound showed just one baby. No offense to those of you who have or are twins, I just would prefer to do this thing one at a time.

Blah. I'm done whining. I have a good life and I know it, even if it's not ideal at the moment. Hopefully by next week I'll think of something more interesting to write about. I'll at least have the appointment to report on. If they don't reschedule it.

Designing new quilt blocks

2011-04-05T20:06:00.016-04:00

One of the blogs a follow is Wayne Kollinger's Sketch Book. I find his exploration of what works and what doesn't endlessly fascinating (regardless of whether I always agree with his aesthetics). His most recent post explores the idea of designing a new quilt block by adding to the underlying grid. He took several 3x3 blocks, adding a frame to give a 5x5 design space with the original block at its center.

I thought this looked like a wonderfully fun idea, but decided to work from 4x4 blocks. Here are some of my first results, built around the "Crown of Thorns" block (above right).

I came up with three different new blocks, each of which I quite like:

And here are three quilts with those three blocks:

11 Weeks

2011-03-23T18:42:00.003-04:00

Major league good news: it has been over a week since I last vomited. Yay for better living through chemistry! (And those of you who know me well know just how weird it is for me to be saying that.) I don't know if I've stopped losing weight (I'm down 15 pounds since January), but at least what I eat stays in.

What do I eat? McD's cheeseburgers, two a day most days (I need the protein and dense calories, but I'm getting so tired of them). Cheddar cheese. Lemon yogurt with granola. Lemonade. Um... I had a fruit and walnut snack from McD's today, though I skipped their yogurt. I ate Chex mix till I ran out (Mom's making me some more). I have a bag of mixed walnuts, pecans and cherry flavored craisins in my desk, but the mix needs more dried fruit.

Let's see, what else? I started back at work this week. Half days this week, increasing as I can. I'm very, very blessed to have a job that (a) I can partially do from home, and (b) nothing tragic happens if I can't put in a full day. My illness has pointed up a few ways we could improve how things run in my absence, so we'll work at implementing those before my maternity leave. I'm totally exhausted by the time I get home, but it's good to be getting things done again. (Other than that whole growing another person thing.)

Even though I'm not vomiting, I can tell my hormones are still pretty whacked out. How? I cry at everything! Sappy song? Yup. Kids cartoon? Sure. So, if you say hi to me and I start weeping, don't take it personally 'k?

I guess that's all for this exciting week. Thank goodness! :)

Ten Weeks

2011-03-16T14:37:00.003-04:00

Note to the reader: In case you haven't noticed, I'm talking bluntly about bodily functions in these posts. If you would really rather not read such information, now is the time to move along to something else.

Amazingly, this means I'm one quarter of the way through the forty weeks a pregnancy typically takes. (Don't get me started on how average gestation became a time limit...) It also means, based on previous experience, I probably have between four weeks (if I'm super lucky) and ten weeks (if things go the other way) till I feel good. Subtract four or five weeks till I'm functional but still pretty much feel like crap. And yes, that means I could feel functional any time now.

Monday evening I started taking Ondansetron (i.e., generic Zofran). This is an anti-nausea and anti-vomiting medication usually given to cancer patients. It is a Category B drug in pregnancy. It stops one from getting sick by blocking a chemical in ones brain that may be causing one to vomit. I've thrown up twice since I started taking it.

Now, don't get me wrong: twice in about 36 hours is far preferable to six or seven times in twelve hours, which is how I spent Saturday and Sunday. But, since it was my understanding that I shouldn't be throwing up at all while on this new medication, I called the midwives. They agreed and said I should come in for an analysis, and we'd decide what to do next based on what they found. Various possibilities were mentioned, up to admitting me to the hospital.

The good news is, none of them were necessary! My midwife was, "very happy with [my] urine!" — and yeah, it was as weird to be told that as it is to read it. Good, but weird. No ketones and I'm not dehydrated. So, that means I need to ... eat more!

Apparently, an empty pregnant stomach is a nauseous pregnant stomach. I was politely but firmly told I need to be eating, protein if possible, no more than every two hours. And keep drinking, as much as I can tolerate — dehydration also makes nausea worse. Scrambled eggs, cheese, nuts... keep stuff at my bedside, in my purse, whatever it takes. NEVER allow myself to feel hungry.

[Side note: she listened to the baby's heartbeat again, found it quite quickly, and it was nice and strong. As she said, "See, baby doesn't care if you're miserable."]

The problem is, nothing has been appealing to me. Lemon yogurt is okay, as is lemonade (from concentrate only). I was eating Ritz crackers with spreading cheese, but the last batch Chris brought up to me were, all of a sudden and without warning, totally revolting to me. Scrambled eggs are usually okay, as are hard boiled eggs (nothing liquid-y, please). I'd been okay with chicken noodle soup until a couple weeks ago, and with string cheese till I vomited shortly after eating some — if it doesn't come back up well, forget it.

To further complicate things, Chris has caught the tummy bug the girls have had, and so the idea of him prepping food for me has been ... unappealing. Having worked in hospital central processing (where the instruments are cleaned after use and prepped for reuse), so the man knows about cleaning his hands and all that. It's just... well, I don't need another reason to be puking, nor do I need diarrhea. And I have not been up to making my own food. There have been days when I've barely been up to getting to the bathroom on my own.

So I started thinking: what did I eat during the other pregnancies? Not Dorothy's, that was almost as bad as this one. Mairi's? Subway — but see earlier comment about not needing a reason to puke more. I have not had good luck with Subway and food poisoning. How about Nora's? McDonald's cheeseburgers, with everything but onions.

Now, if you read anything about NVP, it will tell you, "avoid greasy food!" Says so right there on the handout from the midwives, along with suggesting bland is better. But ... I'm desperate for something that will work here, folks. So, since it had already been a while since I ate anything, before going in to the midwives' office, I asked my Mom (my chauffeur, because Chris is sick and she keeps asking what she can do to help — have I mentioned I love having my folks live nearby?) to swing by McD's on the way home.

I'm telling you, nothing has tasted as good to me since I got pregnant as that cheeseburger did! I wasn't able to finish it, but I ate somewhere between 2/3 and 3/4. Mom offered to help make sure I ate something again in two hours, and after some discussion we agreed Dad would bring me another cheeseburger (side note: my dad was quite amused by being sent to McDonald's). He brought me a double cheeseburger (no onions!) and I ate nearly all of it, at least 9/10.

Supposedly, eating and drinking at the same time are a no-no, so when I finished the burger, I popped an Altoids peppermint in my mouth. When that was done, I drank my 8 oz. or so of lemonade. And people, I feel almost okay! Not good, not really, but not like I'm gonna have to dash for the porcelain god in the near future. I'm telling you, until you've been this ill (and I know some of my friends have been, for this or other reasons) we just don't know how grateful we should be for every day not spent nauseous and/or vomiting. And yet, I forgot. I think (once this is past) I'm going to say a prayer each morning: Thank you, God, for not waking up needing to puke. I'm serious!

So, we'll see where things go from here. Food, preferably protein, no more than two hours apart. Keep on the drugs. Sleep enough. Drink enough. Try not to spend all day in bed — I think I feel better when I'm not lying down, especially when I eat. And maybe, just maybe, I'll have better news in the "Eleven Weeks" post.

*knocking on wood!*

First meeting with one of the new midwives

2011-03-11T13:10:00.004-05:00

...well, they're new to me. ;-)

This morning was my first appointment with one of the midwives at the office I've settled on (for now - more on that later). It went well, I thought. She discussed my options for treating the nausea and vomiting, from lower risk/less chance of working well to higher risk/more chance of wiping out the NVP. We settled on FTAN (the medication I've used in previous pregnancies) with a promise I would not wait for my next appointment, but rather call her if I need something stronger.

She had the lab tech do extra analysis on my urine sample and so was able to tell me I am not dehydrated and there are no ketones present, which means my body is not in starvation mode - both very good news.

I discussed with her the fact that I really am not fond of the OB office that backs these midwives up (it's the office I left when I was expecting Mairi, ironically). She indicated the most common reasons I might have to transfer to them, and none sounded likely given my medical history.

Because I have friends and contacts interested in and connected to birthing issues, I had heard through the grapevine something that I wanted to discuss right off the bat. This midwives office is going through some, hm, let's call it administrative limbo. Stuff about how they're financed. The old system is going away and they don't know what, if any, system will be put in its place. When I asked about this, the midwife I saw today was forthright without volunteering a lot. She said they hope to know what the new situation is by my next appointment (April 8). She also said if there is at any point any likelihood that I would not be able to have a midwife attended birth with them, they would help me transfer to another office. So I felt pretty good about that.

She was able to find the baby's heartbeat - I'd been bracing myself for that not to happen, as nine weeks two days is too early for finding the little one to be a sure thing. Nice and strong. Brought tears to my eyes and made why I'm dong this so much more real all of a sudden.

I'm feeling stronger today, better than when I wrote my nine weeks entry even. Not normal, but at least not all I can do is lie in bed and wait terrible. Over the last several days I've stopped fighting it when the nausea gets bad. I figure if my body wants my stomach emptied this badly, who am I to argue? Not a diet plan I'd recommend, though (even if it is effective - I've lost about twelve pounds so far). I hope to be back at work on Monday, for at least a partial day.

Hopefully. *knock on wood*

9 Weeks

2011-03-09T13:13:00.003-05:00

If the research I've done is correct, this week and perhaps next week should be the worst. Then the hormone levels should have peaked and should start subsiding, slowly taking the nausea and vomiting with it. Don't mistake me, I won't be well for weeks yet, not till late April or early May (based on my previous pregnancies). But I should at least stop getting worse.

I am currently at the point where I cannot get out of bed. I am probably consuming less than 1200 calories per day, below starvation level. I have no idea how many calories I'm truly getting, because even with taking anti-nausea meds I am vomiting one to four times a day. A really good day is one where I somehow succeed in not getting sick at all. It's been a while since I had one of those. I do little to nothing so I don't burn any more calories than I have to. Also, because simply sitting up can be enough to make me sick. I've probably lost about 10-12 pounds, but I weighed enough before to lose some.

I'm not writing this in a "poor me" vein. I am pregnant, and so in time this will pass. I am not ill from cancer or some other deadly disease. If all goes well, by summer I will again feel human. If all continues to go well, by Halloween I will have a new baby to show for my suffering. I'm just writing this to document where I am right now.

I saw the endocrinologist yesterday. My thyroid numbers are higher than when they weaned me from my meds at the end of Dorothy's pregnancy, but not as high as when they put me on the meds at the beginning. The doctor opted to wait and watch. I'll get blood drawn in four and eight weeks, and see him in May, unless the numbers indicate I should come in sooner. I think this is good news.

I am bored out of my mind. I read my way through five books in as many days. I can't really knit, the motion triggers the nausea. I surf the web on my iPod and sleep. At least the weather has been above freezing, so my window is open an inch. I can listen to the birds.

I see one of the midwives at my new office on Friday, so maybe I'll have more to report next week...

2+3+1=October

2011-02-23T13:29:00.002-05:00

I'm pregnant.

Yes, we do know how this happens.

I'm due in the first half of October (the 12th, I think, if you're the sort who likes a date to fixate on).

We won't know if we're having a boy or a girl till some time early summer, but we probably will find out when the ultrasound is done.

We are not "trying for a boy" — we're hoping for healthy. All things being equal, we'd prefer a girl. We will, of course, love them regardless of sex or health.

I'm miserably sick, thanks for asking. As with the three previous pregnancies, I have "morning sickness" — that insane euphemism someone came up with for feeling nauseous round the clock and puking regularly if I'm not careful. I still maintain that if men had to experience this in order for the species to survive, we'd have cheap and effective treatments and/or the first trimester of pregnancy would be mandatory paid leave. </rant> I expect to feel better sometime around late April (if I'm lucky) or mid-May (if I'm not).

We've told the girls. Mairi is thrilled and touchingly solicitous of Mom's health. Nora seems happy but finds something new to worry about every few days. (She was already in this phase before being told about the impending sibling.) Dorothy is clueless.

If I missed your question please feel free to ask it and if I feel like it I'll answer in a later post...

Blogging from my iPod touch

2011-01-12T14:40:00.002-05:00

I probably won't do this a whole lot, but thought it was worth a try.

It's not like I blog a lot to begin with. I think about things I'd like to write, but there's always something else to do first. If the iPod let's me type over lunch, maybe I'll post more often.

But I wouldn't count on it...

Almost there

2010-09-14T08:56:00.006-04:00

I have completed the 35th row of the 36 rows of purple in the last section of Chris's Doctor Who Scarf.

Why have I not finished it? (Other than the fact that I'm at work and shouldn't really be knitting.) Because I'm not sure if I should knit the 36th row and then bind off, or bind off at the 36th row. And how to bind off? :) Yeah, I'm a geek. Have to Google around a bit and see what the best bind off for garter stitch is. (Probably a regular bind off but in purl.)

I think I'm also avoiding that whole wash and add tassels thing...

For the record, sometime late July or early August I got almost to the end of the last gray section:

... and realized I did not have enough yarn to finish it. So, after procrastinating a bit, I ordered one more skein from KnitPicks (along with a bunch of other stuff, which is neight here nor there, thankyouverymuch). Once it arrived, I knit every other remaining gray row alternating to blend in the new yarn (since I had no idea how visible any dye lot differences might be).

Knowing I was this close to finishing the scarf seems to have kept me going at it pretty well. (I also seem to be on a bit of a finishing-things-up jag, which is extremely out of character but rather productive so we'll go with it.) I found if I park near the girls' preschool then I can knit about two rows walking from my car to the office, and another two walking back at the end of the day, so that was at least four rows done any work day.

So anyway, here's one last graphic for the scarf:

Next time I'll post pictures.

Continuing scarf adventures

2010-07-20T10:16:00.003-04:00

I have a new needle, so the work goes on. Progress! Perhaps this fall Chris will have his scarf. :)

The truly exciting thing is, I'm officially done with one color — that big section was the last green part in the scarf. Two rows into the yellow will mark 80% (more or less). It can be done!

About Chris's "Doctor Who" scarf

2010-07-12T12:04:00.001-04:00

...and this was how far I was when the first needle broke...

Early writings

2010-06-25T12:25:00.003-04:00

Cloud lis day.
Back at home.
Right poems to pas
the time.
Chickadies quoraling [in]
the tree tops.
This is my home.

~ Mairi Weber-Hess
(24 June 2010)

An early quote

2010-06-14T09:40:00.002-04:00

Since I know I will have lost this by August, when it might be more appropriate for me to post it, and I like the quote enough to want to remember it:

When the glamour [of someone's marriage] wears off, or merely works a bit thin, they think they have made a mistake, and that the real soul-mate is still to find. The real soul-mate too often proves to be the next sexually attractive person that comes along. Someone whom they might indeed very profitably have married, if only—. Hence divorce, to provide the 'if only'.

And of course they are as a rule quite right: they did make a mistake. Only a very wise man at the end of his life could make a sound judgment concerning whom, amongst the total possible chances, he ought most profitably to have married! Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might have found more suitable mates.

But the 'real soul-mate' is the one you are actually married to. You really do very little choosing: life and circumstances do most of it (though if there is a God these must be His instruments, or His appearances).

— J.R.R. Tolkien, Letter #43

Now, mind you, I'm not saying I agree with the above 100%. But I do think it's an interesting quote and therefore worth pondering on further...

Thoughts on exercising

2010-04-09T15:21:00.003-04:00

I do not like to exercise when I think of it as exercising.

When I get used to doing a particular exercise, I no longer think of it as "exercising" — Yoga is not exercising, it's that thing I enjoy doing and look forward to on Tuesdays.

The enjoyability of some exercise is dependent on if I'm doing other exercise — having missed the last six Pilates classes (see the next point) makes it much less enjoyable to go do my aerobics class.

At this point in my life, I should not be taking exercise classes on the weekend — too many Sunday classes have been missed this semester due to either family travels or school breaks.

And then there was one...

2010-02-18T14:56:00.001-05:00

Blog that is. I've merged my entries from the "Jill of All Needles" blog over to this one and I'm

I'm not counting my livejournal blog, which still exists but which I never post to. I'm only keeping that around so I can see friends-only posts by my lj friends.

Just a bit of housekeeping — at least next time I feel like blogging, I won't have to pick where.

What I'm singing today...

2009-12-23T16:42:00.003-05:00

"Grown-Up Christmas List"

Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee;
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies.

Well, I'm all grown-up now,
And still need help somehow.
I'm not a child, but my heart still can dream.

So here's my lifelong wish,
My grown-up Christmas list.
Not for myself, but for a world in need.

No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,
And time would heal all hearts.
And everyone would have a friend,
And right would always win,
And love would never end.
This is my grown-up Christmas list.

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely wrapped beneath our tree.

Well heaven surely knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal a hurting human soul.

No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,
And time would heal all hearts.
And everyone would have a friend,
And right would always win,
And love would never end.
This is my grown-up Christmas list.

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth.

No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,
And time would heal all hearts.
And everyone would have a friend,
And right would always win,
And love would never end, oh.
This is my grown-up Christmas list.

An unwelcome nature encounter

2009-09-18T08:00:00.000-04:00

When I arrived home yesterday, the garage door was open. This is not unusual, but the fact that the front door and the door in from the garage were also wide open clued me in to the fact that something was up.

Thursday night is Chris's gaming night, and I now have a Pilates class after work, so it's usually a kiss each other as we pass evening. Chris was putting the finishing touches on dinner as I walked in the door (Baroni sauce spaghetti, yummm!) and the kids were bopping about as usual.

"What's with the doors?" I asked, putting my knitting and work bags on the hooks and scooping up Dorothy to stop her hollering for me.

"We have a chipmunk in the house," Chris replied. "Or at least we had one a few hours ago."

Turns out Chris had all the doors wide open (for several hours, no less) in the hopes that the critter would return to its proper habitat if given a reasonable chance. He figured it had come into the garage, where we had spilled some bird seed, and from there into the house sometime yesterday afternoon—the girls are pretty bad about leaving the door between the garage and the house open. He was fairly confident that by now it was gone, so we went about our normal routine and he headed out to gaming.

The girls and I ate dinner without any unusual occurrences, after which they went outside to play while I cleaned up. About the time that was done, I realized Dorothy needed a clean diaper. So, standing at the changing table, I looked up, saw Nora coming back from playing outside, and went to quickly reopen the front door (we'd closed up the house on the assumption that the chipmunk was gone). When I turned back to the den ... there was the chipmunk.

I shrieked, it ran—around the corner, I didn't see where to. I started opening up the house again while shooing the girls upstairs to get into their pajamas and get ready for bed, trying all the while to figure out how I was going to put them to bed upstairs with all the doors wide open downstairs. Overwhelmed by unease and logistics, I called Chris.

"It's still in the house," I told him. "I don't know what to do."

"I'm coming home," Chris replied. "I had a feeling this was going to happen."

By the time I got off the phone, Nora had decided she had seen the chipmunk upstairs and that she was scared of it, so down she came, whimpering and fussing and not dressed for bed. Dorothy kept trying to wiggle out of my arms and make a break for the wide open doors. Mairi was not at all scared and was actually quite helpful, getting Nora's pajamas for her and repeating that the chipmunk wouldn't hurt us unless we tried to grab it.

Chris arrived home and I took the girls upstairs to read them their bedtime stories and settle them in bed. Towards the end of that, Chris yelled up, "It's out!" It had been hiding under the stove, from which he flushed it with a cleaning brush, and he'd seen it run into the front hall where the door was wide open.

Note: he did not see it run out the open door.

So, Chris kissed the girls, we closed up the house, he headed back out, and I started settling Dorothy down. These days that means sitting in my recliner in the dark, usually playing on my laptop, while she nurses herself to sleep. Mairi and Nora had gone to sleep remarkably quickly, given all the fuss, and Dorothy was drifting off when I heard it.

Scritch, scritch, scritch.

The chipmunk had not left the building.

I called Chris again. He hadn't made it back to his gaming group, but they said they'd have him call when he did arrive. I then called my brother Lou, who lives three doors down, hoping my nephews were all asleep. They weren't, but Lou said he'd come down once things got quiet at their house.

Not sure what else to do, I opened up the doors, turned out the lights, and resumed setting Dorothy. Shortly after she'd fallen asleep Lou arrived, carrying a variety of chipmunk hunting implements, most of which were grabbed from his boys' toy box: work gloves, a snow shovel, a snow block maker, a plastic golf club and a flashlight. I told him where I had last seen the critter and he started searching for it.

In fairly short order, he flushed it out. It ran through our kitchen area, under the dining table, and towards me. I did not shriek—Dorothy was now asleep in my lap—and Lou told me when it had moved on from under my chair so that I could resume breathing. We watched it run into a corner, behind Chris' audio cabinet. (Side note: this was about when I realized that the modern "open floor" house plan—which I generally like quite well, generally—has at least one flaw.)

At this point, I had a thought: Chris has wood panels in the garage, we would make a chipmunk run and guide it to the door outside. So, while Lou watched the chipmunk (or, more precisely, the corner we knew it was in), I settled Dorothy in our bed and got the paneling from the garage. Together we set up the run—it was lovely, wide enough to allow the beast to run free, set up in such a way that it had to end up in the front hall. Where else would it go from there but out the door?

With everything in place, Lou flushed the chipmunk. It ran to the front hall, it looked out the front door (I swear the thing was no more than eight inches from being outside) ... and it turned and jumped at the board blocking the stairs. This was a two and half foot wall, and Lou and I were both confident that, having failed to clear it the first time, it would run around some more and then out the door. Instead, it jumped again, got a paw on the top edge, went over, and raced up the stairs. Lou and I stared at each other in dismay, and I said some things that are better not repeated.

The chipmunk was now upstairs, somewhere, with my three sleeping children.

At this point, the phone rang and it was Chris. He wasn't eager to come back to the house again and I don't blame him. However, I was not going to be able to sleep in a house with a free range chipmunk in residence and I made that clear to him. Either he came home or the girls and I were going to Grandma's house—he could deal with the chipmunk when he came home. He said he was on his way.

Unsure what else to do, Lou and I dismantled the chipmunk run and cleaned up the living room, reducing the number of chipmunk hiding places a bit—and reducing the likelihood someone would trip on a toy while chasing said chipmunk a lot. I allowed as to how I was okay in the house with the critter and that Lou should head home, with my thanks for his efforts (not his fault the blasted beast didn't know enough to get while the getting was good).

Chris arrived home just as Lou was leaving. We agreed the best thing to do was for me to sit in the quiet downstairs and watch for the critter while Chris did a systematic sweep through the upper story to flush it downstairs (neither of us said it but we were both desperately hoping it wouldn't end up trapped in Mairi and Nora's bedroom). My mom called, so I sat in the dark talking with her, listening to Chris moving around upstairs.

Scritch, scritch, scritch.

I looked up and there it was, sitting near the doorway from the kitchen to the den/kids' art room/computer room ... the one room on the main floor that can be closed up. I tried to call for Chris, quietly so as not to wake the kids, but he didn't hear me. I quickly said good-bye to my mom and ran upstairs to get Chris.

By the time we returned downstairs, the chipmunk was out of sight. I was reasonably confident that it hadn't gone back upstairs, so we started checking the hiding places it had gone to in the past. Nothing under the stove. Nothing behind the refrigerator.

I looked at the den and said, "Let's close up the room, just in case it's in there." Chris agreed and so while I shut the double doors leading to the front hall, he took down the baby gate which keeps the sliding door from closing. All shut in, Chris shifted the couch away from the wall. Zip! Out ran the chipmunk, towards the kitchen—no exit! Zip! Off along the wall to behind the computer...

Thus began half an hour or more of Chris and I trying to catch the darn thing or shoo it out the room's window—we popped the screen off and put down a piece of cardboard as a ramp. Progressively more and more things were disrupted in the room as we shifted things to eliminate hiding spaces.

Now Chris and I both have a fairly "live and let live" approach to wildlife. Moths, bugs and even spiders that find their way into our house are treated tolerantly, and they're usually caught and released out of doors. I kill mosquitoes and I kill ants that come into the house, but that's about it.

However, when the chipmunk finally ran right into Chris' feet and he brought them together to hold it, well, I wasn't worried about if he had hurt it. It was caught! Chris had gloves on and he reached down to grab hold of it ... and, well, it was immediately obvious that this particular chipmunk would not be giving us any more trouble. I felt bad for it, but I really think we had done our due diligence in trying to get it out of the house without hurting it. Chris tossed it out through the open window.

We both looked about us, at the up-ended couch and everything else. Then Chris turned to me and said, "I'll pick this mess up tomorrow. I'm going back to my gaming now."

I smiled, kissed his cheek, and said, "My knight in shining armor—you've slain the beast, go have your fun now. Thank you!" Chris went out and bagged the beast, to show the gaming group (and prevent our girls from finding it later), and drove off. It took me a while to settle down after he'd left, so I did sweep up some of the mess before heading to bed, but there was a lot to clean up yet this morning.

So, my goal for the coming days? Train my children not to leave the doors open!

Spring Haiku II

2009-04-24T09:50:00.003-04:00

Bare brown branches fade,
feathery, shimmery greens -
again the world shifts.

Spring Haiku I

2009-04-24T09:50:00.001-04:00

Brittle, sharp-edged, wild:
spring fever as an adult,
too grown-up for whims.

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T22:48:00.001-04:00

Through a child's eyes

2009-01-20T11:15:00.004-05:00

This morning, as most mornings, Nora came to join us in bed before we all got up to start the day. (Mairi slept in, as she usually does; Dorothy was already with us.) Nora asked me to tell her a "princess story" — I make up stories for the girls which start, "Once upon a time there was a king and a queen who lived in a castle with their three daughters, the Big Princess, the Middle Princess and the Baby Princess. ..." It's one of the ways we deal with problems, by imagining what the princesses would do. In these stories, everyone is a prince or princess — unless they are a king or a queen, or a fairy or a dragon ... you get the idea. :-)

Well, this morning I said, "Today I have a story about a prince for you." And I proceeded to tell her this story:

Once upon a time there were a king and a queen who had a little boy. When this prince was quite little, his father the king went away but his mother the queen, and her mother and father, the prince's grandma and grandpa, loved and took care of the prince.

The prince grew to be a man and decided he would like to serve the people he lived with, but when he first asked them they said, "No thank you." The prince didn't give up though, and the next time he asked them, the people said, "Okay, you can try." And after a while, the prince decided he would like to serve even more people, and again the people said okay.

Finally, the prince decided he would like to serve all the people who lived in his country. He asked them, and after a lot of talking and thinking, enough people said yes. And today he will become president, to serve all the people in our country, and his name is Barack Obama.

When I finished the story Nora looked at me, wide-eyed, and said, "And now he's going to be president?" I said yes, at which she hugged me. She then lay back and said, "And someday, I could be president?" Chris and I assured her that yes, she could if she wanted to.

At which point, Nora looked thoughtful and declared:

"My teeth itch."

Thinking about orthodoxy

2008-11-21T14:44:00.001-05:00

Orthodoxy

Soundness of faith; a belief in the doctrines taught in the Scriptures, or in some established standard of faith; — opposed to heterodoxy or to heresy.
Consonance to genuine Scriptural doctrines; — said of moral doctrines and beliefs; as, the orthodoxy of a creed.
By extension, said of any correct doctrine or belief.

I'm thinking about how two things I'm reading today are related in an interesting way, though I can't quite express what that is. The things I'm reading are a Slate article, "How To Read the Quran: A new translation captures the confusion." (by Reza Aslan, posted Thursday, Nov. 20, 2008) and Michael Pollan's latest book, In Defense Of Food. Here are a couple quotes:

From the Slate article:

"... For much of the last 14 centuries, some 90 percent of the world's Muslims for whom Arabic is not a primary language had to depend on Islam's clergy—all of them men, as women are not allowed to enter the clergy—to define the meaning and message of the Quran for them, much as pre-Reformation Christians had to rely on priests to read them the Bible, which at the time was available only in Latin. ..."

From the book:

"Since nutrients, as compared to foods, are invisible and therefore slightly mysterious, it falls to scientists ... to explain the hidden reality of foods to us. In form this is a quasireligious idea, suggesting the visible world is not the one that really matters, which implies the need for a priesthood. For to enter a world where your dietary salvation depends on unseen nutrients, you need plenty of expert help."

If I wasn't so overtired I'd probably be able to discuss the underlying relationship better. However, Dorothy's teething.

(And how is it that when I was younger I used to be better at explaining things when I was tired?)

A long political quote to digest

2008-10-03T14:14:00.003-04:00

From George Washington's Farewell Address (1796) [link to entire text]:

... I have already intimated to you the danger of parties in the State, with particular reference to the founding of them on geographical discriminations. Let me now take a more comprehensive view, and warn you in the most solemn manner against the baneful effects of the spirit of party generally.

This spirit, unfortunately, is inseparable from our nature, having its root in the strongest passions of the human mind. It exists under different shapes in all governments, more or less stifled, controlled, or repressed; but, in those of the popular form, it is seen in its greatest rankness, and is truly their worst enemy.

The alternate domination of one faction over another, sharpened by the spirit of revenge, natural to party dissension, which in different ages and countries has perpetrated the most horrid enormities, is itself a frightful despotism. But this leads at length to a more formal and permanent despotism. The disorders and miseries which result gradually incline the minds of men to seek security and repose in the absolute power of an individual; and sooner or later the chief of some prevailing faction, more able or more fortunate than his competitors, turns this disposition to the purposes of his own elevation, on the ruins of public liberty.

Without looking forward to an extremity of this kind (which nevertheless ought not to be entirely out of sight), the common and continual mischiefs of the spirit of party are sufficient to make it the interest and duty of a wise people to discourage and restrain it.

It serves always to distract the public councils and enfeeble the public administration. It agitates the community with ill-founded jealousies and false alarms, kindles the animosity of one part against another, foments occasionally riot and insurrection. It opens the door to foreign influence and corruption, which finds a facilitated access to the government itself through the channels of party passions. Thus the policy and the will of one country are subjected to the policy and will of another.

There is an opinion that parties in free countries are useful checks upon the administration of the government and serve to keep alive the spirit of liberty. This within certain limits is probably true; and in governments of a monarchical cast, patriotism may look with indulgence, if not with favor, upon the spirit of party. But in those of the popular character, in governments purely elective, it is a spirit not to be encouraged. From their natural tendency, it is certain there will always be enough of that spirit for every salutary purpose. And there being constant danger of excess, the effort ought to be by force of public opinion, to mitigate and assuage it. A fire not to be quenched, it demands a uniform vigilance to prevent its bursting into a flame, lest, instead of warming, it should consume. ...

At least now I know I'm in good company in despising party politics.

Thursday morning humor

2008-07-24T08:30:00.000-04:00

... from one of my favorite comic strips, Devil's Panties by Jennie Breeden — as her merchandise says, "Not satanic porn...honest!"

And it is fiber related. :-)

Just because

2008-07-22T09:09:00.003-04:00

This morning's meaningless but fun link: PhotoFunia. Here are two examples, using Dorothy's first studio pix. Enjoy!

Cross crafting

2008-07-21T21:30:00.000-04:00

Dorothy's Baby Blanket,
originally uploaded by sbweber-knits.

I sew quilts (among other things) and, even more than I sew quilts, I design quilts. To do this I use Electric Quilt software, a product I can't recommend highly enough. Recently, I have realized that this software can be used for some of my knitting projects as well.

I'm working on a baby blanket for Dorothy, using the " Baby Blocks" pattern by Ann Norling — a lovely, simple pattern. Too simple for me — which is no criticism of the pattern as written, just a recognition of my own preferences.

So, I "drew" up the pattern in EQ and started playing, representing the stockinette in one color and the reverse stockinette in another. This is the variation I came up with: a second internal border of the smaller checks, and a central diamond. My new pattern is still pretty simple, but it will be enough more challenging to keep me happy as I knit it.

And for that matter, it would make a lovely simple quilt, too!

See how she grows

2008-07-01T16:33:00.010-04:00

I know, it's been forever since I posted anything. Here are some pictures at least ...

April 11 and April 21

April 27 - after her baptism and May 6

May 12 and June 1

June 8 and June 26

All of the above are links to larger pix, and I think you can browse around my online albums once you're there.

Here's the bare bones of a family update:

Chris and I are adjusting well to being a family of five, for the most part. We survived a trip around Lake Michigan to visit family and friends over an extended Memorial Day weekend - enjoyed the visits, if not all the driving. Chris painted the downstairs bathroom, which leave just one more room to set to rights on the first floor. I'm doing okay for the most part with being back at work (part-time for a few more weeks).

Mairi lost her first tooth a couple weeks back. She's continuing to work on reading and writing, as well as adjusting to her bicycle's training wheels being further off the ground.

Nora is out of diapers (yay!) and mostly doing well with the change. She started at preschool this summer, three mornings a week, and is loving that.

Dorothy is growing and changing so much it's hard to know where to start. She tries to roll over and I swear one of these times she's going to do it from sheer will. She smiles, she laughs, she "talks" - generally charms the socks off anyone within a twenty foot radius. Chris recently had someone stop the elevator doors - almost closed, mind you - so she could admire Dorothy for a few minutes!

I'm missing tons of things, but I'm late for bed as it is. Some day I'll have time enough to write again - and I guarantee, I will be rather bummed about it. *sigh & grin*

"Making math with yarn"

2008-06-07T10:54:00.000-04:00

"Coral reefs can be crocheted. The atmosphere can be knit. And a stop sign can be folded into a pair of pants. ..."

How can I not post the link to a story that starts this way?

New math tricks: knitting and crocheting
Yarn work helping to provide answers to wide range of math problems

Um ... right

2008-04-19T16:15:00.000-04:00

My mom and I were recently going through my granny's knitting books (mom's mom). Most were not of any particular interest to me, though I allowed Mom to give me a copy of Leisure Arts' Seamless Raglans by Marion Graham.

I was thumbing through a copy of You Can Knit Better by Lois Larking (copyright 1967) when I found the following:

YOUR FIRST PROJECT

One of the best knitted articles for a beginner to make is a V-neck sweater. Practically all of the all of the problems that arise in knitting will present themselves at one time or another and must be solved during its making. Working (and "working" is used advisedly) a scarf or some other very simple article is dull and tedious and seldom inspires further effort. On the other hand, a sweater you have made and can wear with pride, provides the incentive to knitmany more beautiful additions to your wardrobe. From that point on, the sky is the limit!

O-kay ... that's one way to think about it. *grin*

The author also has this to say:

THOSE CHANGING STYLES!

If you remember the '40's, you will also remember that skirts dropped from three to five inches in length almost overnight! It will be a real economy to buy two to three extra skeins of yarn if you are making a dress or suit. That knee length skirt may have to be lengthened to the new proportions and, if you do not have extra yarn of the same dye-lot, it will have to be put away for that mythical "seven-year" period when styles supposedly change back. ...

The author goes on to point out that you should make sure the extra yarn gets cleaned as often as the garment does, and in the same way.

My current reason for not knitting

2008-04-03T10:56:00.000-04:00

2008-04-01_b,
originally uploaded by sbweber-knits.

Born March 25, I'm pleased to introduce Dorothy Ellen.

She's shown here sleeping on the blanket knit for her by her grandmother (my mom) and with socks I'm knitting for her eldest sister (the picture was taken for the Yarn Harlot's sock scavenger hunt, an international freestyle entry).

What better reason could there be? :-)

Introducing ...

2008-03-30T10:41:00.001-04:00

Our newest family member is here and home! Think her sisters like her? *grin*

Dorothy Ellen was born Tuesday at 7:32 p.m. She seems like a little thing to us, weighing in at 6 lbs, 8 oz — Mairi and Nora weighed in at 8 lbs, 4 oz, and 8 lbs, 5 oz, respectively — but she's healthy and happy, which is all that really matters.

There are a couple great pictures of Dorothy accessible from the hospital's website: click here, then choose "Baby Photos" from the "EZ Keyword Finder" drop-down menu in the upper left corner. Once you've been transfered to the Our365 page for Memorial Hospital, choose to list babies born ~~February~~ March 25, and then select any of the three Sara W. entries (which are all identical; it seems to have created a new entry each time I made a correction *sigh*).

We returned home from the hospital late Thursday evening, after the older two were asleep. We'll mostly be sticking close to home for the next couple weeks, given how awful this year's cold and flu season have been. The folks at the Memorial Pediatrics Unit are wonderful and I'm sure they would understand when I say that our family's seen them quite enough for a long while!

Speaking of which, here's a picture of Daniel from Easter weekend — doesn't he look wonderful?

He was hunting for eggs with the other four kids.

I'd better go get something to eat — I'll post more when I can, but no promises when that will be. *grin*

Links to my Flickr photos

2008-02-22T13:50:00.000-05:00

If you're interested, you can find photos of some of my projects at Flickr, both knitting:

www.flickr.com

... and crochet:

www.flickr.com

A bit o' history

2008-02-22T13:39:00.000-05:00

Since I did promise this would be the topic of my next post...

As I remember it, my first experience with any form of needlework was when I was in kindergarten or maybe first grade. My mom sketched out a cross-stitch pattern of my name for me to follow. I believe my brother, a year younger, did his name as well (on a separate piece of fabric).

I continued to do at least some cross-stitch until shortly before my first daughter was born; I have since discovered that for me at least, cross-stitch does not blend as easily with having young children as various other types of needlework.

I learned to hand sewing sometime in elementary school, machine sewing in junior high school. (I vividly remember being annoyed that by the time I got truly good at making doll clothes, I was too old to play with them.)

My aunt tried to teach me to crochet when I was in my tween or very early teen years, but I ended up teaching myself when I was sixteen (from a "Learn to Crochet" article that I still have, somewhere). I actually crocheted a fair amount in high school, during class — it helped me focus, and I was fortunate enough to have teachers who didn't mind as long as my grades stayed good.

I made my first attempt at knitting sometime in late high school, a dolman sleeved sweater to be made from a pink/gray variegated acrylic yarn — what can I say, it was the 80s. I got several inches done before deciding that I would stick with crochet.

I pieced my first blanket top, a log cabin pattern, from material I had tie dyed myself during the summer before I went away to college. I didn't return to piecework and quilting until the spring of 2004, when I made a baby quilt of my own design for a friend (at left). I've since make one other baby quilt, when I took a class on paper piecing in 2007. Both of these can be seen in my Picasa Web Album:

Quilting

In the fall of 2006 I decided to give knitting another try and took a class. Fortunately for me, the instructor looked at how I was holding the needles and said, "Oh, you'd do better with Continental knitting than American..." She was right, it suits how I already hold yarn from years and years of crocheting, and I've been happily knitting every since.

And what that doesn't cover, no one needs to know! (It's questionable whether anyone besides me needs to know this muc. *grin*)

Happy Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T09:12:00.002-05:00

There was actually a rather good editorial in The Observer a few days ago — and by "good" I mean one that well expressed sentiments similar to my own. *grin* Unfortunately, I can't seem to find it in their online archive, so I can 't send you off to read it, but here's the gist:

Valentine's Day should be about celebrating those who we love and those who love us. (For those of us called to it by our personal beliefs, it should even be a reminder to love those who do not necessarily love us.) Not love = sex, not love = romance, but rather love = that much harder to define and act on thing, caring about our fellow human being (whether they've earned it or not).

So, I say Happy Valentine's Day — and remember, someone loves you!

Belated pix of the birthday girl

2008-02-08T16:01:00.000-05:00

Isn't she lovely? Not that I'm biased or anything...

Happy Chinese New Year

2008-02-07T08:59:00.001-05:00

Today begins the Year of the Rat — the year I was born in. Also the year my third child will be born in. (I discovered in researching characteristics that I am a "Water Rat" whereas this child will be an "Earth Rat".)

If the child arrives as predicted, she (or he) will also be born between March 21 to April 19, making her (or him) an Aries child. Again, just like mom.

Those of us born in the Year of the Rat are said to be:

"Meticulous, intelligent, shrewd, compassionate, charismatic, charming, ambitious, practical, industrious, honest, eloquent, versatile, familial, creative, hard-working, neat, organized, lovers of music, loving" but can also be "[c]ontrolling, obstinate, resentful, lacks-a-sense-of-humor, manipulative, cruel, vengeful, power-driven, critical, possessive, stingy, bossy, fickle, defensive"
[Source: Wikipedia: Rat (zodiac)]

Aries are typically described as:

"... brave, bold, fearless, exciting, energetic, active, warlike, dynamic, fast, quick, competitive, impulsive, adventurous, but also aggressive, violent, unpredictable, rude, short-tempered, angry, daring, primitive, reckless, rash and self-centered."
[Source: Wikipedia: Aries (astrology)]

If I put much stock in astrology, I might be a bit worried about now. As it is, I simply find it intriguing.

33 Weeks, 2 Days

2008-02-06T15:30:00.000-05:00

I am starting to feel like time has slowed to a standstill, but I think that is mostly a side-effect of the insomnia / lack of sleep of late. It really feels like it has slowed, though. It's taking at least two days to get through every one day.

I haven't decided whether packing my hospital bag this weekend will help or not, but I think I'll do it nonetheless. I fear that if I don't, the next time I think of it will be when my contractions are five minutes apart — life seems to be like that lately.

The weather is driving me bonkers again. In the past twenty-four hours, we have had drizzle, thunder and lightening, heavy rain, snow and then more rain. I am grateful, however, that we have not had tornadoes.

I'm resisting the urge to do one or both of the memes on doomseeddiary's journal.

I know there are things I should be working on — rather than posting to my blog — but I just can't seem to care. Probably another effect of whole the lack of sleep thing.

No, we haven't picked out a name for the baby yet. We don't decide until we see the little one. Tradition.

Can we have spring now?

Killing the photo blog

2008-02-01T09:17:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted to it since the fall of 2006. There are only ten posts total, only some of which had pix included. Time to let this thing die a natural death, I think.

A brief summary/eulogy:

10.02.2006 — The Road Before Us

A picture I took September 24, 2006, at Yankee Springs Recreation Area, during a trip there with my friend Willoughby.

10.03.2006 — Hold still, now...

Mairi getting her face painted at the Renaissance Festival, photo taken on October 1, 2006.

10.05.2006 — Digging into my personal backlog

This picture was taken at the Detroit Zoo, when we visited in March of 2006.

10.23.2006 — Warning: Mushiness ahead!

A picture from May 2006 of my mom with her three girls, at Paul and Emily's wedding.

11.03.2006 — A (Belated) Happy Halloween

Trick or Treating, 2006. Back row, left to right: my nephew TJ (Batman), daughter Mairi (a blue dragon) and family friend Serra (Tinkerbell); front row: nephew Charlie (a spider) and daughter Nora (pink panther).

32 weeks, 4 days

2008-02-01T09:11:00.000-05:00

1 month, 24 days to go to the official due date. I thought it was time for a pregnancy update.

I saw my endocrinologist last week. Good news there: I'm off the thyroid medication! Yay!! And I don't have to follow up with him until 2-3 months after the baby is born, unless I have concerning symptoms (e.g., losing weight even though I'm eating well or feeling extremely hyper — actually, I'm so tired these days that feeling hyper at all might be a sign that something was up...).

Yesterday I saw my midwife — for the first time since Halloween. My other visits have all been with the Nurse Practitioner. Apparently the hospital recruiter is making little to no effort to actually find another midwife for the practice. Rather nerve-wracking, as I'm not sure how long Kristin can keep this up without burning out.

Other than that, the visit was fine. Weight gain, growth, etc. were all where they should be. I actually passed the glucose tolerance test I took on New Year's Eve day — third time lucky, I guess, or maybe the extra cinnamon did help. The girls both came to the appointment, and Kristin let Mairi be the one to find the heartbeat with the Doppler — quite exciting for her. *grin* Baby is head down, and we talked a little about how to encourage her to stay that way and be in a good position come March.

We're finally all more or less healthy in our household, for a few days at least. Mairi's a bit snuffly, but I hardly count a head cold anymore, especially if it's not slowing her down. She's getting very close to reading it seems, recognizing most if not all letters and some words. Nora continues to go through some sort of growth spurt, outgrowing clothes every time we turn around. We'll have to spend part of this weekend weeding out her dresser (again), as she's very much into dressing herself these days.

Guess that's all to report for now. Here's hoping I don't get snowed in at the office...

Thirty Weeks

2008-01-15T15:32:00.000-05:00

Ten weeks left to go — more or less. Seventy days ... fifty work days. How can a length of time seem simultaneously very long and very short?

Baby and I are both doing well (as far as I can tell). She tends to be quite active, especially at night. Yesterday morning she managed to get herself angled between my right hip and my breastbone and spent the rest of the day stretching — not the most comfortable thing for mama.

I had some rather extreme back pain prior to Christmas, at which point I started making regular visits to a local chiropractic office. I must admit, I was skeptical — but I was also in enough pain to give it a try. My results have been good — far better than I anticipated. I still get sore easily (standing or walking a lot is especially likely to bring on back pain), but all it takes is a bit of resting to feel fine again. I see the endocrinologist next week, and I'm really hoping I will be able to wean off the PTU after this visit. Keep your fingers crossed for me, eh?

Chris and the girls are all doing well. Mairi is learning to read and write, which is very exciting (both for her and for us). Nora continues to be a little firecracker — full of energy and at times quite explosive. Chris continues to work on his audio projects, although he is more focused on attaining a (mostly) finished state these days — he wants to spend more time enjoying music and less time tweaking equipment, I think.

South Bend is in Winter Pt. 4 as of this week. Return of snow, return of quite cold weather. I'm hoping it will stay winter until sometime in mid- or late-February and then actually shift to spring, but I'm not holding my breath about it.

Not much else to report on. Strange dreams, most likely because I'm not sleeping all that soundly. (In one a friend was trying to get me to buy a banjo the other night. In a quilting store. And it wasn't a particularly nice banjo, but rather an older one in need of much TLC. She was quite put out when I wasn't interested — she was buying one after all...)

I started another blog, for the specific purpose of writing about my needlework projects and related musings: Jill of All Needles. Who knows if I'll actually find time to write any of the thoughts down.

I know, I know...

2008-01-15T10:27:00.000-05:00

Just what I need, another blog to ignore. But I wanted somewhere to ~~blather~~ post about needlework stuff without boring the uninterested to tears.

So, here it is. Next post: a brief summary of my needlework history.

(See what I mean about boring the uninterested?)

Is it really too much to ask?

2008-01-03T13:00:00.000-05:00

Today the high is predicted to be about 17° F (at the moment it's 9 and feels like -6 according to weather.com).

Tomorrow and Saturday we are to expect temperatures in the mid-30's. That's about average for our area at this time of year.

Sunday through Tuesday is is supposed to be in the frickin' lower 50s.

Could we please just have winter for a while instead of this yo-yo weather?!?

Some snow pictures, for your viewing pleasure:

My forecast? Everyone is going to be getting sick (again) by the middle of next week...

Happy Birthday!

2008-01-02T16:18:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Christian!
Happy Birthday to you!

And many more ... :-)

Happy New Year!

2007-12-31T17:37:00.000-05:00

From the two visible beasties and the highly anticipated 2008 edition, as well as from Chris and myself, may you and yours have a wonderful New Year's Eve and may 2008 be a blessed year for each of you!

Halfway there (more or less)

2007-11-06T13:51:00.000-05:00

In so far as I trust due dates, etc., I'm halfway through this pregnancy. I'm feeling fairly good, other than easily tired. I feel the movement of the baby quite often now, and Chris thinks he's felt a kick or two when giving me a hug.

I'm reading Pushed by Jennifer Block and excellent book, one I highly recommend to anyone who is pregnant, may ever be pregnant, or has people they care about who are or may become pregnant. (Yes, I know that covers just about everyone. Oh, and people who want to understand one contributing factor to the high cost of health care in the U.S.)

I've read more than a few books about childbirth and maternity care, and I find this book to be the most holistic and even-handed of the lot. She has opinions I'm sure, but she doesn't let them get in the way of reporting her findings. Nor does she play the blame game — she just lays out the information she found in her research and lets it stand on its own.

Trick or Treat, Part II

2007-11-01T16:19:00.000-04:00

Alright, as promised here we have some pix of Mairi and Nora in costume:

Nora went as "Super Why" (a character from a PBS kids show of the same name. She was happier than you could believe that I had made her a "Super Why" costume, and I was rather pleased with how it turned out myself (hot glue guns and I do not get along). The cape was from Mairi's birthday party and the mask was finished about half an hour before we went out. *g* It's not Halloween unless Mom's finishing a costume at the last minute, right?

Nora was probably the only one in our group not exhausted at the end of our zig-zag trip round the block. The girl has stamina and then some!

Mairi wore a clown costume which had been made for my mom by her paternal grandmother (i.e., Mairi's great-great-grandmother). Somewhere we have a picture of me wearing it, as well as one of my brother Paul in it — unfortunately, there are no pictures (that we know of) of my mom wearing it. We bought the wig at Mairi's request, and I did her make-up.

The kids had a great time, and I was please to be feeling well enough to make it around the block with them. I hope your holiday was equally happy!

P.S. I'm still working on the ultrasound video — I've transfered the DVD files to mp4 files, but I can't load them to my Picasa Web Album from the Mac ... maybe I'll be able to upload them from my laptop at home tonight. *shrug*

Trick or Treat, Part I

2007-10-31T14:31:00.000-04:00

Well, as many folks know, today was my ultrasound. If you don't want to know about the baby's sex stop reading now. You have been warned!

Okay, without further delay on to the important bits: the baby is healthy, there's only one, and so far as we could tell (the baby was not being cooperative in terms of positioning) she's girl. I've uploaded the pix to my Picasa Web Albums:

2008 Baby Ultrasounds

... we also have a VHS recording of part of the ultrasound, but I haven't had time yet to transfer that to a format I can upload. I'll let you know if/when I do.

She was very active, stretching and moving her arms and legs about quite a bit. At one point the baby looked like she was waving at us, and Nora waved back. Nora later told Chris and me, "Baby likes me!"

Otherwise, the visit was very normal and uneventful (just the way I like them). I am gaining weight and now weigh as much as or a bit more than I did on my first visit to the office. Our midwife thought I was measuring exactly where I should be, and there were no changes to my due date based on the ultrasound (end of March, in case I haven't mentioned it).

I'll try to send out pictures of Mairi and Nora in costume tomorrow. Happy Halloween!

October Family Update

2007-10-22T15:12:00.000-04:00

Time for an update, right? I'm happy to be able to report that I'm well and so are the rest of my household — well mostly. We've had recurring head colds, and Chris messed up his back at the end of last week, but both of those situations seem to be getting better (though I'm still keeping an eye on Chris and trying to keep him from overdoing it — not an easy task).

My prenatal appointment with the nurse practitioner earlier this month was wonderfully low key — weight checked but nothing said about it (I think I'm gaining now, though I still weigh less than I did before I became pregnant), blood pressure good, heartbeat good and easily found this time.

My ultrasound is scheduled for Halloween, and we'll probably find out what sex the baby is at that time — as well as making sure there's only one. Chris thinks I'm nuts, but I really wouldn't be unhappy if it was twins. It would be rather chaotic, but I like the idea of having four kids in our family ... it just feels right. But I really don't think another pregnancy would be a good idea for me. Ah well, we shall see.

I don't see the endocrinologist again until after Thanksgiving, but they wanted me to get my blood checked in October. Did that end of last week and had a nice phone call this morning as the result — I'm to lower my dose of PTU to one pill every other day, rather than every day. Yay! (Those pills are vile tasting, and it's almost impossible to take them without some taste or aftertaste.)

This past weekend was my mom's birthday, and as it was one ending in a zero we took the opportunity to make it a big celebration. My brother and his wife and son flew in Friday afternoon and our Aunt Nancy (one of mom's sisters) drove them down to South Bend. Mom knew Nan was coming, but not Paul and Em and Noah. Then Saturday Nan's two daughters plus a boyfriend arrived (also not expected) and a bit later her brother Tony and his partner Greg arrived (another surprise).

We all went out to dinner together — 14 adults plus 6 kids, 6 months to 5 years — talk about barely organized chaos! Tony made an awesome mango and pineapple upside down cake which we ate back in the neighborhood. It was a lovely day and Mom was pleased — the main goal, after all.

Sunday everyone had to head home, some after church and brunch with us, others earlier. By the end of the day I felt totally exhausted, physically and emotionally. The usual let-down after a big to do. Thankfully there are other impending events to turn my mind to...

What else? The basement is almost done, and I think the paint color was a good choice ("Clove Bud" — who names these? — it's a slightly muted reddish orange). The girls and I got to spend one more evening in the not-yet finished basement due to a tornado warning on Thursday (Chris was gaming with friends, and got to spend time in their basement). I discovered the hard way that I cannot carrying Nora down, and later up, two flights of steps anymore and had a sore back most of Friday.

Guess that's all for now. Watch for pictures, maybe even a video (if I can figure out how to transfer it from the VHS tape), on or shortly after Halloween. Happy fall, everyone!

Pregnancy and family update

2007-09-26T12:10:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm 14 weeks along and officially in my second trimester. I'm feeling a bit better each day it seems — though I'm not well yet and I have to be careful not to overdo it, or I pay for it, big time. I can drink water again, a fact I am much pleased by — water if just about all I drink under normal circumstances. I can brush my teeth again without gagging. I have more energy, most days (I'm still having a bit of trouble sleeping more nights than not, which drags the days down as one would expect).

I saw the endocrinologist on Monday and there was good news: my thyroid is staying where it should at the low dosage I'm at! As the PTU pills have an atrocious taste, only having to take one once a day is cause for rejoicing. My personal theories for why I'm not having to take more (as I had to with the previous pregnancies): it was attended to sooner in the pregnancy and thus didn't have a chance to get as out of whack, or this is a boy which is affecting my thyroid differently than the girls did. It does seem less likely to be twins, I suspect that would cause my thyroid to go higher — but I'm just guessing, I don't know.

I see the nurse practitioner at the midwife's office on October 8, and we'll likely schedule my ultrasound then. Hopefully a rather boring appointment. I'm not doing the triple screen test or amniocentesis, despite being an "older" mother (i.e., 35 or over). Too much chance of a false positive and unnecessary stress and worry. If there's anything wrong with the baby, well, when he/she is born will be soon enough to adjust to that. Anything that needs attending to sooner than birth should be picked up during the ultrasound. I forget when the glucose testing gets done. I figure I'll have to do both the one-hour and the three-hour version, as I have with both the previous pregnancies. Oh well, I'll get some knitting done.

Chris is happy that I'm improving, but is still shouldering more than his share of the parenting duties with the girls. He's been able to go to his gaming sessions for at least part of the time (after the girls are asleep), and with my folks in town this week he'll get to go for the whole evening. Work has started on our basement and will likely be done sometime mid to late October. It will be lovely to have the space available for the girls to play in this winter!

Mairi is enjoying going to school every day — both for the more regular schedule and because it's easier to make friends when you see them more than twice a week. She's grown taller I think, and her shape is generally changing again — she doesn't look at all like a little kid anymore, to my eyes at least. I don't know, it's hard to express the change. She's much more interested in the playing soccer this fall (not off in her own wold as in the spring), and proud of the goals she makes.

Nora is officially weaned. She hasn't even asked about it since Mairi's birthday party, back in August. I feel ever so slightly wistful about it, but mostly I'm grateful — it was time, both for her sake and because of my pregnancy. She sleeps in her own bed now, some nights by herself and others with Chris in there some or all of the night. It took four to six months for Mairi to get used to sleeping by herself, so it'll probably be a while yet before Nora is totally used to it. She's a regular chatter-box most of the time, and has more energy at the end of the day than I have in the morning. *wry smile*

The pictures are from our annual trip to the Michigan Renaissance Festival, which we made mid-month this year. A wonderful time was had by all (although I got some odd looks as I would lie down on a bench or the grass whenever I had the option), and as you can see, Nora wore herself out entirely. I was grateful that I felt well enough to go, and it was wonderful to see many of our eastern Michigan friends.

That's all for now!

Report from my appointment

2007-09-12T14:17:00.000-04:00

I went to see Kristin, the midwife who delivered both Mairi and Nora, for my twelve week appointment today. It was nicely low-key.

I've lost about four pounds since I was last in the office (August 10^th). Kristin wasn't too concerned about that, especially since I was able to tell her that I don't think I've been losing weight over the last week or so. I think I've lost between ten and fifteen pounds overall since I became pregnant.

Kristin emphasized that for now, it's not so much what eat, it's that I do eat something, "even if that means you eat Ho Ho's all day". I told her I'm more inclined to salty food, especially Triscuits, and she replied, "Then thank heavens for Triscuits!" :-) She encouraged me to take a multivitamin, if I could find something that doesn't make me lose whatever I've been able to eat. I'm going to try the Flintstones Children's Multivitamin plus Extra C — they don't have any iron in them, and iron is often the ingredient to cause upset stomach.

We listened to the baby's heartbeat — eventually. It took rather a while to find the heartbeat, but Kristin assured me that is quite normal for this point in the pregnancy. It was nice and strong, I think about 150. There was only one heartbeat found — twins is one possible explanation that I and some others have thought of for why I've been so much sicker this time around. (Another popular theory seems to be that I'm expecting a boy. I'd be just as happy with another girl, but time will tell.) Kristin pointed out that there could, however, easily be another one hiding in there. Chris's comment? "If this is twins, just take me out back and shoot me."

So, that's all for now. I see Elizabeth, the nurse practitioner, again next month (on the 8th). I'll be about sixteen weeks, and they'll likely schedule an ultrasound for around Halloween, since they typically do one about mid-term. Hopefully by next appointment I will have actually gained a little weight!

Chirp, chirp

2007-08-13T10:41:00.000-04:00

Nothing to interfere with listening to the crickets here, is there? *wry smile*

I know it's been forever since I last posted a family update. Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

Big news first or last? First I guess (though this isn't news to some of you): number three is on the way! I'm not quite eight weeks pregnant, and miserable — if "morning" sickness (hah!) is a sign of good health in the little one, then this one is thriving. I won't complain about the gross details, but suffice to say I've lost weight rather than gaining it since finding out I'm pregnant. And yes, I've been in to see the midwife's office already, and yes, they sent me to get the blood work done to see what my thyroid is doing. Still waiting on those results...

How is the rest of the family doing? Busy but well. We had a whole LOT of traveling in late May / early June — four weekends in a row, plus an extra mid-week trip to da Soo for Chris. I figure the girls and I clocked at least 2800 miles and Chris over 3600 miles. Thank goodness for the Prius! In order, we went: to a friend's wedding & to visit the TC crew; to Houghton for Noah's baptism and to see Granny & Grandpa (Granny's been doing less well again); to Indianapolis to visit with friends I've made online; and to Glennie for the annual summer get-together.

And since then we've stayed put. *VBG*

Mairi has wrapped up her summer session at the preschool (ECDC) and is eagerly anticipating her birthday. She will begin going to ECDC every morning in a couple weeks; we would've have had to apply for a waiver to get her into kindergarten this fall and didn't see any reason to do that. She can write a few words (her own name, Nora, Mom, Dad) and is becoming more and more interested in copying out other words. She will now sometimes use a book and tell Nora the story, as best as she remembers it.

Nora is as busy and as feisty as ever. She can communicate fairly well now, verbally — when she chooses to, and doesn't get overly frustrated. She's been sleep in her bedroom for the past week — and so has Chris. She seems to be making the adjustment, slowly, to the idea that this is where she will sleep now. She's also going increasingly long times between nursing sessions — it is my hope/goal that she will be weaned by Halloween at the latest.

Chris is in full-blown "let's get everything organized before the baby arrives" mode — he observes that he tends to "nest" a lot more than I do when we're expecting a new little one, to which I pointed out that he tends to spend a lot more time in the "nest" than I do! Not to mention that he has energy to try to do things — when I have any energy of late, I spend it paying attention to the girls. Chris has almost wrapped up his audio hobby — the building part of it, that is, he'll still be doing plenty of listening. I'll leave it to him to discuss where he's thinking about heading next. ;-)

As for myself ... well, lately I sleep. Before the onset of first-trimester-itis, I was knitting a fair amount. I've been reading this and that, but nothing worth discussing really. Honestly, right now I'm in survival mode: get what needs to be done done and let the reast wait until sometime tis fall when I will feel better.

I'll try to post some pix of the girls soon. Hope you're all doing well ...

Noah Louis's arrival

2007-05-30T11:53:00.000-04:00

Okay, so my life has been a wee bit busy over the last month or so ...

My most recently born nephew, Noah Louis, made his arrival (three weeks after his due date!) on April 24th. Mom, dad and Noah are all doing well — and there are more recent pix in my Picasa web album, just click on the photo below:

From Paul, Em & Noah

One down, one to go

2007-02-22T13:48:00.000-05:00

It is with great happiness and joy that I announce the safe arrival into the world of my newest nephew, Daniel Jeremiah Weber. He was born just after 2:30 a.m. on Wednesday, February 21, and both he and Tracy (mom) are doing well.

Daniel Jeremiah Weber

Not the silver lining: rambling about bedsharing & sick kids

2007-02-15T10:21:00.000-05:00

A meme I recently filled in asked about a secret I wouldn't mind others knowing. While I still maintain that it's not a secret if you're willing to tell anyone who happens to read your blog, I did think of something that sort of/almost falls it that category — it's not something I typically talk about, because I get tired of correcting other folks assumptions.

Both Mairi and Nora have slept in our bed as babies. Yep, we do "family bed."

FAQ: No, it's not inherently dangerous for the child — Dr. James McKenna has some excellent reading material on the subject here, I'm not going to try to explain it better than he can. No, the child doesn't end up sleeping in your bed forever — Mairi moved into her own bed when she was two, Nora will do so as soon as it gets warmer (she enough used to our body heat that trying to move her in the cold of winter would be setting ourselves up for a harder transition than need be). No, it doesn't ruin one's sex life (but I'm not getting into any further explanation on that one).

I'm not saying everyone should sleep with their babies, but it is what worked for us. It was especially helpful in terms of me being able to get a fairly good night's sleep even while the girls got in their nighttime breastfeeding. And it was good for my new baby anxieties — I loved being able to be able to wake up, feel or hear them breathing, and go back to sleep.

Why am I babbling about this today? Well, bedsharing is not without its drawbacks. Nora is a restless sleeper and an early bird, so Chris hasn't slept as well with her in the bed as he did when Mairi was there.

And this morning, Nora got sick to her stomach. Ug, what a mess. I mean, if a kid gets sick and there in their own space, at least one of the parents can still get a good night's sleep. You can strip their bed, throw the mess in the wash and either stay up with 'em or bed 'em down elsewhere, as circumstances dictate. When it's your bed the mess is in, everybody's up and dealing with it.

Oh well, that's parenting I guess.

Odd one out

2007-02-14T16:52:00.000-05:00

I like Valentine's Day. There, I've said it.

I do not like the "spend lots of money on your significant other to show them you love them" thing. But then, I don't particularly go for that line of crap on any other holiday either.

No, I like the idea that in this all too busy world there's a reminder to tell those who mean something to us that they do, maybe show them through some gesture a little out of the ordinary. Yes, we can do this any day we choose, but let's be honest — how many of us actually do?

Do we have to tell people we love them on February 14th? Of course not. Does loving people have anything to do with some Christian saint? Hardly.

But ever since I was a teen, even when I have felt terribly alone on this "day for sweethearts" (*gag*), I still have always tried to enjoy the day. I look at the family who love me, the friends who love me, and I celebrate that we are able to choose to love other people, flaws and all — and that there are people who love me despite my flaws.

And that is why I like Valentine's Day.

My little imps

2007-02-06T14:59:00.000-05:00

I took the girls to JCPenney to have their pictures taken on Nora's birthday — here's one of the pictures from the session. E-mail me if you would like the URL and password to see all eleven pictures.

Yesterday was interesting ...

2007-02-06T08:38:00.000-05:00

... I wonder what today will bring?

Pipe bursts, Library closes for 6 hours

Frozen pipe floods Notre Dame library

All thing considered, we lucked out. As when we had the pipe break just over three years ago, this pipe burst at 9:00 a.m. on a work day, when most folks were here already and a speedy response was possible. If this ever happens at night, well, it's going to be ugly. As it is, there was a fair amount of damage to the items on the upper floors but the Special Collections materials were either moved or covered quickly enough to save them for any major harm.

Fall Family Update - Thanksgiving Holiday

2006-11-27T14:21:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm totally overdue for a family update — it's been ... [looking it up] ... five months since the last official one, three months since I really posted anything worth counting. Guess I'll start with our Thanksgiving travels and work backwards.

As I have often done, I took some vacation time for the front half of Thanksgiving week — nine days out of the office for the price of three, can't beat that with a stick! We decided to visit Jan, and Amy, Mark and Willa first, so Friday evening we packed up the kids and the car and headed north. Got in to the hotel about 1:00 a.m. — whenever possible of late we've been making longer drives at night, when the girls will sleep.

Saturday was lovely, for the most part. Amy offered to watch the girls while we took care of some Christmas shopping, and Chris and I jumped at the opportunity. For possibly (probably) the first time in my life, I have the majority of my Christmas shopping done before December! Chris and I also enjoyed a midday meal without children, a rare treat. The girls had great fun with Aunt Amy and Willa, so it was a good day for all. In the evening we had dinner at Amy's house.

Unfortunately, that evening I started showing signs of having caught the cold Chris was just getting over. Yes, lucky me, I got to spend my vacation sick. *shrug & grin* I'm still getting over it, but the worst was Saturday night (aches and chills) and Sunday (general tiredness). And here I was hoping that by going to T.C. on the front end of the vacation I wouldn't be worn out when we visited Chris's family. I tried, really I did!

Anyway, Sunday Amy and Willa came over for a swim at the hotel pool, which was lovely timing — we had the place to ourselves! Later we all had dinner together, again at Amy and Mark's apartment. Monday we were able to meet Jan at the hospital for lunch before we headed for da Soo at Nora's naptime.

The visit to Sault Ste. Marie was lovely, despite my illness and the girls' — yep, they caught the cold, too. We stayed with my folks but were able to spend a fair amount of time out at Dad and Janet's house as well. Paul and Em got in Wednesday and left Friday, but it was wonderful to be able to spend any time with them. Less wonderful was the fact that my cold had progressed to a point where I had no voice from Wednesday morning until Saturday. Em and I seem fated not to be able to chat with each other right now. *grin*

Dad and Janet invited my family to have Thanksgiving dinner at the cabin again and much good food and good fun was had by all. We took a hike a few miles west of the cabin (part of the Hiawatha National Forest, I can't remember the trail name at the moment) which was wonderful. The weather was insanely warm for Thanksgiving.

The rest of the week went far too quickly, as vacations tend to do. We Drove back on Saturday, stopping in Gaylord for dinner with my aunt Paula and her family. Got back to South Bend about 2:00 a.m. (see earlier comment about driving when the girls sleep). Would've been a great trip if Mairi hadn't woken up about five miles north of Niles, said "I think I'm going to throw up!" and then promptly done so. Chris stopped the car quickly and we got her out on the grass before she made too much of a mess. *sigh* Thankfully, she only got sick the once.

If I get a chance, I'll post some pix tomorrow, along with a more general update on how we're all doing. Hopefully you and yours had a wonderful Thanksgiving too, however and whenever you celebrated it!

UFOs

2006-11-03T12:22:00.000-05:00

Greetings and Salamanders, my loyal readers.

{pause to listen to the echoes and sigh}

UFO. To most people this signifies flying saucers and little green men, or perhaps large gray ones. Unidentified Flying Objects. Everyone knows that (thank you X Files). However, to the quilter, the crocheter, the knitter — any person who makes stuff, really — this acronym has another, more sinister meaning: UnFinished Objects.

Like any good needleworker, I have my share of these things. By comparison, it's a small number of projects, really. They doesn't spill out of storage, threatening to bury unwary family members. Mostly they sit quietly in the corner of this room or that closet, nagging me with their unfinishedness (it's a word now).

The "Angel of Love" cross stitch I started before Mairi was born I don't worry about much. I have no delusions that I will be doing counted cross stitch any time soon. It requires (for me at least) a level of sustained concentration I find utterly incompatible with sharing a house with small children.

I work sporadically on the "Blanket of Snow" afghan that I started when I found out that my friend Amy was engaged, but given that she and Alex have been married ... I think it will be ten years on their next anniversary. In any case, long enough that it feels silly to still be working on the afghan. Besides, I have come to loath motif afghans (for those of you not in the know, that means an afghan make in smaller pieces and then sewn together). Still, it is a beautiful afghan, and I hope to finish it someday.

The motif sampler baby blank suffers from both the aforementioned loathing and the fact that I thought, "Oh, I can just figure out a way to stitch them all together later." Yes, that's right, it's free-form crochet, no pattern anywhere in sight. I pick it up occasionally, lay all the unattached bits out (trying to determine a good arrangement), and then either stuff it back in a bag or, at best, attach one or two motifs to the all-too-small center and then stuff it back in its bag.

Then there's the mosaic afghan I started several years back, working in gray and green and thinking I would give it to my cousin when she graduated from MSU. You work into previous rows to create the pattern and texture, and it's beautiful, but so time consuming! Erin graduated several years ago (four maybe?), but the afghan languishes.

There are others, too. A couple more motif afghans that were in progress when my abhorrence of such things arrived full formed. The tank top from cotton yarn which I loved (both the yarn and the pattern) but which fell prey to my usual inability to work to gauge. And don't ask about the sewing projects, please!

In my own defense, I have finished many projects — at least four or five baby blankets, a poncho, two shawls, and a couple hats in the last, say, five years, and that's just what I can think of immediately. And every time I finish something, I try to then finish a UFO, really I do...

Every once in a while

2006-10-02T10:19:00.000-04:00

... something I do gets interesting. *grin*

One part of my job at the library is to provide images from our holdings to persons who wish to use them in various ways. Usually this means providing scans from our books, manuscripts or currency to the authors and editors of various scholarly books or articles, as well as a good number of folks involved in the creation of text books. Not the most exciting stuff, but a valuable service to said people.

Today my boss pointed out to me that one of the scans I provided it now on a US Postage Stamp!

The U.S. Postal Service this spring commemorated Benjamin Franklin's 300th birthday by issuing some educational stamps — "Benjamin Franklin, Printer"; "Benjamin Franklin, Scientist"; "B. Free Franklin, Postmaster"; and "Benjamin Franklin, Statesman":

On the "Benjamin Franklin, Printer", the image of currency, at bottom center? That's my scan!!

Life is too amusing sometimes...

Comparison of sorts

2006-08-25T13:32:00.000-04:00

I got the girls' picture taken last week, so I have pictures to share.

Left: Nora at about eighteen months.
Right: Mairi at about eighteen months (taken in 2004, obviously).

And here's a picture of the two sisters together:

An evening in the life

2006-08-25T11:35:00.000-04:00

First off, let me say this: Nora is fine. Throughout all of what I am about to relate, she was at worst pissed off, but she was never ill or lethargic or anything like that. Ironically, I think she came out of the whole experience least effected.

The short version: Nora somehow got a bottle of Motrin open and ingested at least half a pill, at most four pills. Chris and I took her to the ER (while my folks assumed care of Mairi), a nurse called Poison Control, they recommended Nora be held for observation for a couple hours, and four hours later we were released and came home.

The slightly longer version: At about 6pm yesterday, we were about to go out to dinner with my folks. Chris walked over to our house to get the Subaru, taking Nora with him while I got Mairi ready to go. The Subaru arrived in my folks' driveway, I walked out to the car with Mairi, as Mairi was getting in her seat she looked at Nora and said, "I don't think she should have those." Chris and I looked over, saw that Nora had an open Motrin bottle and orange stuff around her mouth — we have no idea how on earth she got it, it's normally in the glove box between the front seats, nor do we know how she got the "child-proof" cap off.

Chris and I ran to the other side of the car, got Nora out of her seat and started swiping out her mouth with our fingers. She started yelling, Mairi started crying, it was lovely. We found two partially chewed pills in her mouth, ten to twelve in her seat and on the floor of the car — out of a 24-count bottle. After a brief discussion, we sent Mairi with Mom and Dad and took off for the urgent care facility (MedPoint) closest to our house.

At MedPoint I immediately told the receptionist why we were there. She talked to the doctor, who said we'd better head over to the ER. At the ER, one nurse checked us in and took Nora's vital stats while another got on the phone with Indiana Poison Control. We found two more pills in her onesie, and that with the fact that I knew we had used at least three doses (two pills per dose = six more pills accounted for) got the possibly ingested count down to four to six at most. Poison Control said to keep her in and observe but didn't recommend that her stomach be pumped (as we had sort of expected).

So, we waited. First in the waiting room, then later in an ER patient room. Mom, Dad and Mairi had followed us first to MedPoint and then on to the hospital — since dinner had been skipped, they took Mairi down to the cafeteria and fed her, sending Chris back with some caramel corn for him, me and Nora to eat. At about 8:30, Chris and I decided Mairi really ought to go home and get to bed (her normal bedtime is 7:30), so Mom took them home and Dad stayed with Nora and myself.

At about 9:30 or so, I asked the nurse if we really needed to stay. Nora had been playing, running around the room, giggling, waving to the nurses and patients going by outside our room — it had bwell wel over the recommended two hours and there was obviously nothing wrong with her. The nurse said I could check Nora out, but the new doctor was coming on shift at 10:00 and would probably see us almost immediately. I agreed to wait a bit more, but said if no one was able to see us by 10:15, we were going to leave.

Please understand, I'm not complaining about the care we received — it was simply obvious that Nora was fine by this point, and I felt bad taking up a room that someone else might need more! Okay, and I was bordering on totally exhausted, plus rather hungry. But mostly it just seemed foolish for very busy hospital staff to spend any more time on us.

At about ten to ten, the doctor on staff came in to see us. I answered several questions, most of them for the second or third time, he looked at Nora, asked to see her walk, and went off to consult with the nurse(s) who had talked to Poison Control. He came back, discussed various things to watch out for with a child her age, and said we should go home. Nora was asleep before we were two miles form the hospital. Dad got me some fast food on the way home, and I went to bed as soon as I could after we got there. (For all the good that did — for some reason I didn't sleep too well. Go figure.)

Today Nora is totally her normal self, none the worse for the experience as far as we can tell. And Chris and I have started a top to bottom re-evaluation of every room in the house for child-proofing!

Following up on the photo entry

2006-08-14T09:12:00.000-04:00

Take a look at the Sunday comic from UserFriendly:

August 13, 2006 UserFriendly comic strip

*giggle, snort*

Do you see what I see?

2006-08-11T10:06:00.000-04:00

There's been news again of late about newspaper photos edited, or "Photoshopped", before being published. I find this issue to be interesting for a number of reasons.

First, because when I worked as a newspaper photographer I on a few occasions edited pix in Photoshop before they ran. Yep, it's true. There was a car ad where I erased the braces holding the car up on it's side, so it looked like the two salesmen where holding it up. And there was that group photo of kids where some were making, ahem, rude gestures shall we say? Their hands were somewhat shadowed already, so I just darkened things a bit more.

I don't feel any guilt over either of these incidents. In the first case, anyone with any sense would guess the photo had been manipulated. And in the second case, well, if I'd caught the kids at the time I was taking the photo I would have simply taken another, after letting the adults in the situation know what the kids had been doing.

Another reason I'm intrigued by these instances is that there's often a reaction of, "See, look what computers can let you do!" As if photos were never modified before the advent of image software and computers. Right. All computers have done is make it possible for any moderately tech savvy individual to modify things, rather than such modification requiring a photographer trained to use darkroom equipment beyond the essentials. If anything, I think the relative ease makes it easier to spot the manipulated images now, as the manipulators often don't have the skill to hide what they've done — at least not from those who are familiar with the software. (Here's a good look at some recent examples of photo manipulations by the media.)

However, I never really thought about the inherent difference between what individuals see and what a camera sees. Here's a quote from "Don't Believe What You See in the Papers" and article in Slate by Jim Lewis:

"... What, after all, do we believe when we believe that a photograph is true? That it mimics what we would see with our own eyes, if we were standing where the camera was placed? But a camera sees quite differently: For one thing, to take only the most obvious features, photos are rectangular, whereas the human eye's visual field is an ovoid blob. Moreover, "normal" vision is roughly equivalent to what you get from a 35 mm camera lens set somewhere between 42 mm and 50 mm zoom. Anything longer than that shows details no human eye could see; anything shorter shows an unnaturally broad vista. And cameras are notoriously crude when it comes to dynamic range: Highlights get blasted and dark areas become muddy. ..."

In other words, a picture is almost always going to be different from what a person would see in the same environment, to at least some degree. This is something I knew, now that I think about it, but had never really considered.

But a photograph really is always an artificial representation of the world. I was thinking about this recently when I looked at some pix Chris had taken of the girls. I commented that they were so different from mine and he joked, "Yeah, they're not as good" but that wasn't it.

When I take a picture, I usually frame it, make sure the orientation is right, the lighting, etc. I may ask the girls to stand still, smile, or move this way or that. The picture I end up with is therefore a constructed version of whatever was going on. The pictures that Chris had taken were spontaneous, at all angles, with lots of space around the action. The girls were playing, doing whatever they'd really been doing when he picked up the camera. The pictures were much more real than what I tend to capture. Maybe not as aesthetically pleasing, but somehow truer representations of the kids.

I guess I don't really have a point in all this — just random observations on a theme. *grin* That's what blogs are for, right?

Okay, people...

2006-07-28T08:45:00.000-04:00

... anyone else find this a bit amusing? The article is titled "Lactivists: Where is it OK to breastfeed?" and is about American squeamishness "over the sight of a nursing breast".

Apparently other sightings of breasts are okay. *sigh* Wouldn't want to confuse folks about what breasts are for, now would we? They're for selling stuff, of course...

The image is from the cover of the current issue of BabyTalk, a magazine published by Parenting. The featured article for the issue is why women don't nurse longer {article}. There's a nice PDF card "License to Breastfeed" available online which emphasizes that it's a woman's legal right to nurse wherever she sees fit — and most states have laws in place that protect her choice.

It's come to this...

2006-07-25T16:53:00.000-04:00

As most of you know, we have two cats. Ivy is about twelve, a tortoiseshell with striking coloring, including a face that is half black and half brown — divided right down the middle. She was given to Chris shortly after his cat Valentine died. Chessie is about eight, a gray striped tabby with spots on her belly (her nickname as a kitten was "pike"). Chris and I chose her together from the St. Joseph County Humane Society shelter, shortly after we were married.

As hard as it is for either of us to really admit it, we've reached a point where we need to find them new homes, together or individually.

Chris is quite allergic to them, and I'm allergic as well. We're not sure about the girls but suspect Mairi may be allergic to the cats, too. Both of my brothers, our brother-in-law Mark, and my dad are also allergic, to the point that being in our house for long is difficult for any of them.

Also, Chessie isn't exactly good with little kids. She sleeps on Mairi's bed and likes attention from her okay, as long it's on Chessie's terms. When Nora tries to do what big sister does and pets her (gently, we've never let the girls be rough with either cat!), Chessie gets agitated. But rather than going somewhere else (as Ivy does if she doesn't want to be pet), Chessie will stay where she is and get more and more agitated, finally hissing or swiping at Nora if we don't intervene. While we try to not let things get that far, Nora is getting older and more independent and so we're not always watching her anymore...

Bottom line is they're both good cats, but we need to find them new homes, not necessarily together (Chessie and Ivy occasionally interact but basically tolerate each other). If you would like a mature cat, or know of someone who would, please get in touch with me, okay? Ivy would do fine in any home, Chessie anywhere that there aren't young children. Both have been spayed, neither is declawed. We have cat carriers and scratching posts which we would be happy to provide with the cat(s). If we can't find them a home ourselves, we'll be bringing them to a local no-kill shelter later this fall, whenever they have room.

Neither Chris nor myself is happy about this but we feel it's what must be done. Mairi's going to be heartbroken, and I know Nora will miss them. :-( Both of the girls' first word was "kitty".

A nice long weekend

2006-07-05T10:56:00.000-04:00

Hello! Hope everyone had a good 4th of July? Ours was nice — visited with Grandma in the morning, played in the wading pool a bit in the afternoon, then back to Grandma and Grandpa's for dinner with all the South Bend family. We finished off the day by driving downtown to watch fireworks from the public library parking lot.

I took Monday off as a vacation day, so as to have a long weekend (followed by a short week *grin*). Mom and I took the girls and went shopping on Saturday — we discovered a lovely green house up in Michigan, Vite Greenhouses. Sunday we had brunch at Fiddler's Hearth after church, followed by more shopping after naps.

Monday we decided to go out to Shipshewana, in the mistaken belief that it might be quieter out there than on a weekend or holiday. Little did we know there was a special three-day flea market going on (Mairi kept saying, "But I don't want to buy any fleas!" *grin*). We didn't get to see much of the flea market at all, as we had planned to look at furniture — Chris and I are trying to make a decision in regards to replacing the dining room table we now have — and that took up most of the time we had. Still it was a good trip. On the way over, however, I saw something that made the trip entirely worth while: an Amish horse and buggy towing a 15' outrigger boat. If only I'd had my camera!

Guess that's all for now...

Yes, I know we've been over this already

2006-06-30T10:09:00.000-04:00

More on the net neutrality issue. This is important, folks.

Net Neutrality: It's Pretty Simple, Really.
By David Sims

Here's some of what Mr. Sims (a.k.a. First Coffee) has to say:

... It's rare First Coffee finds himself agreeing with RINOs like Sen. Olympia Snowe of Maine, but whoever writes her public statements uncorked a good one with "Net neutrality has been the founding principle of the Internet and has been the single greatest reason for its growth and its success." Ditto here.

After all, it's not like the phone companies invented the Internet, or even subsidized its early years, or have done anything but make money off it. They have tons of unused bandwidth lying around, do they expect us to believe their tatty excuses that they need more? No, I don't think they really do, they just need some mantra their bought and paid for legislators can repeat at press conferences. "Need to invest in more bandwidth" will do for the intellectually lazy, those who dig deeper, well, screw 'em. Who cares?

... First Coffee's almost always on the side of the free markets — when it's a product or service that was developed via the free markets, which the Internet was not. The Internet was created and developed by the government and large research universities, about as far from the free market as you can get in America. The free market didn't develop it because it wasn't profitable to do so.

Now you can make a buck off the Internet, so the phone companies are blustering around like they took losses for years "innovating" and "differentiating" as they nursed the Internet along, and now they want to cash in on what's rightfully theirs.

Bushwa. If anybody should rightfully get to cash in off today's Internet it's the government, specifically the Department of Defense, not the Johnny- come- lately phone companies. ...

RINO means "Republican In Name Only" by the way — I had to look it up.

If you can't really go there ...

2006-06-29T16:13:00.000-04:00

... you can virtually go there. At least, for almost 100 cities you can.

I just discovered the "City Daily Photo" blogs. Some of my favorites are now listed in my blog list, at right. I'm seriously debating starting a South Bend one...

Another geek thing

2006-06-29T14:28:00.000-04:00

ClockLink.com is a site where you can get a clock to put in your blog or on your web page. You can get analog:

... or digital:

There've even got a countdown clock:

What will they create next?

Blog this

2006-06-29T09:26:00.000-04:00

I'm not really much of a Slate fan, but I do sometimes listen to Day to Day on NPR, which is co-produced by Slate (or something like that). Between one thing and another, I found out about this:

Blogging the Bible
What happens when an ignoramus reads the Good Book?
By David Plotz

I've only read bits of it, so far, but I'm finding it rather interesting. Mr. Plotz is "a proud Jew, but never a terribly observant one" and fairly obviously intelligent, and his ideas about the stories he's reading are by turns amusing and thought-provoking.

Here's his own description of the blog from its introduction:

My goal is pretty simple. I want to find out what happens when an ignorant person actually reads the book on which his religion is based. I think I'm in the same position as many other lazy but faithful people (Christians, Jews, Moslems, Hindus). I love Judaism; I love (most of) the lessons it has taught me about how to live in the world; and yet I realized I am fundamentally ignorant about its foundation, its essential document. So, what will happen if I approach my Bible empty, unmediated by teachers or rabbis or parents? What will delight and horrify me? How will the Bible relate to the religion I practice, and the lessons I thought I learned in synagogue and Hebrew School?

Housekeeping, Part I

2006-06-27T09:11:00.000-04:00

I had reached the point where I have so many craft supplies that it is virtually impossible to actually work on anything. My sewing machine was nearly buried and I was having more and more trouble locating the supplies I knew I had.

Side Note: I have a theory that when we know we don't have time to work on something, but we really want to, we tend buy more supplies. Or maybe it's just something I do. It's like I subconsciously believe that if I can just accumulate a critical mass of yarn or cookbooks or sewing materials, then I will have to crochet or cook or sew. So far it's not working...

What has happened is a combination of too much stuff and not enough organization. This was made worse by the fact that upon moving into the "new" house (two and a half years ago), too many boxes were simply put up in the sewing room closet (or into the basement, but that's another project) unopened, unexamined, and unlabeled. Therefore, it was time to straighten and label. Oh yes, and get rid of some of the stuff.

I started last night, opening boxes, compacting things, trying to group like supplies (still need to go back and sort the fabrics...), and, above all else, LABELING. Hopefully this will help me not to make anymore impulse purchases of yarn or fabric or ... Well, you get the idea.

I figure the blogs are a good place to save some of this stuff without having to actually store it (although I do need to figure out a way to back up the blogs). So over the coming days and weeks, there will be various entries fill with quotes, directions, pictures, and whatever other miscellaneous things I find that I can thus post.

One (okay, technically two) of the things that I found were children's reading lists that I had clipped out, or more likely that someone else had clipped out, of a newspaper and magazine. One was an NEH reading list from August of 1988 (here's the current NEH Summer Reading List), the other a list compiled by then U.S. Education Secretary William Bennett. I think I'll just recycle those now...

Another thing I found were these pictures. Enjoy!

Happy Summer Solstice!

2006-06-21T09:30:00.000-04:00

Today is the first day of summer, the longest day of the year, the day of maximum sunlight. According to ReligiousTolerance.org, the solstice occurred at 12:26 UT today — UT meaning Universal Time, which you may be more familiar with as Greenwich Mean Time or GMT (I was). That means for those of us in the Eastern Time Zone it was right about 8:30 this morning (I'll let the rest of you do the math for yourselves *grin*). According to Wikipedia (and yes, I know that is not the most reliable source on the 'net *grin*):

At the time of the summer solstice, Earth is at a point in its orbit where one hemisphere is most tilted towards the sun, causing the sun to appear at 23.45 degrees above the celestial equator, thus making its highest path across the sky. The summer solstice is the day of the year with the longest daylight period and hence the shortest night.

Summer Solstice is one of the days celebrated by some during the year to mark the turning of the seasons, along with Samhain, Winter Solstice, etc. Celebrations held on or near the solstice include: the ancient Celts' Alban Heruin ("Light of the Shore"); the celebration of the earth, the feminine, and the yin forces in ancient China; the feast day of St. John the Baptist by Christians (June 24); and simply Midsummer in many traditions. The day is termed Litha by some neopagan groups, and there are celebrations held at Stonehenge.

The first illustration (above left) for this post comes from Cassandra Eason's The Druidic Year, while the second illustration (at right) is a painting by Jane Brideson (available as a greeting card from 13 Moons, and perhaps others).

Do you see the honeycomb included in the image? Again according to ReligiousTolerance.org, "The first (or only) full moon in June is called the Honey Moon. Tradition holds that this is the best time to harvest honey from the hives." (Here's a list of moon names, for those of you who, like me, are fascinated by such lists. *grin*)

WeatherPixie

2006-06-21T08:58:00.000-04:00

Found this in my wanderings and thought it was tres amusant, had to share...

This is WeatherGirl:9
for the South Bend Regional Airport.

Ah, dirt, bugs and rain...

2006-06-20T10:12:00.000-04:00

Well, it was the 4^th annual Happy Head Horde camping reunion this past weekend. This means that I am now achey, burnt, and very, very itchy — but also happy and relaxed in a way I haven't been for quite a while. (And no shower feels as good as the one you first take when home from a camping trip!)

Here we have a couple pictures of Chris with the girls in my hammock. Note the face Nora is making on the left — that's her idea of smiling for the camera. :-) In the picture on the right you can see our tent in the background.

We got in with plenty of daylight to set up our site, anearlyly enough to have a good choice of sites. Basic grill food for dinner (burgers and dogs), and all the fun of meeting our friends as they arrived. We were happily surprised when one couple we haven't seen since their wedding showed up. As it got dark, the campfire was stirred up and s'mores were made.

The next morning we were awakened way too early by a rather excited three-year-old — Mairi really liked camping. I'm not sure how many little kids were there, exactly, as I never stopped to count, but there were certainly enough. There were swings hung from the branches of one tree, and in another the older kids were building a fort. And everywhere, there was dirt:

Here we have Mairi and Nora playing with our friend Serra. The first picture shows Serra making a sand angel, something all three had been doing. I don't think either Nora or Mairi could quite believe that they were being allowed to play in the dirt, and get as dirty as they did. *grin* We had a bit of trouble explaining to Mairi and Serra that Nora wasn't so much allowed to throw dirt, it was simply that there was no way to make her understand she couldn't (next year, on the other hand...).

At some point during the day most of the campers did make a trek into Lake City to swim in Lake Missaukee — but that just made the dirt stick better when we got back to camp, I think. It was amusing to me to see just how dirty they did get:

Mama's two little dirt devils. :-)

While in town we were treated to ice cream by "Uncle" Tony, after our swim. Chris showed me the yard sDan dan had discovered, which Chris and Lee had then gone to. I found yarn. :-) Back at the camp we had turkeys cooked in garbage cans — it sounds odd, I know, but they were some of the most delicious birds I've ever eaten!

We stayed up late, more s'mores were eaten (yum!), and whbroughtrough Mairi to the tent her complaints were perfunctory — she was asleep before I left the tent, something truly unusual.

Out tent consists of a center square with two "wings" forming a squat L-shape. The wings have entirely mesh ceilings, for air flow, and I pulled the rain fly back in the afternoon to make sure that was maximized. I realized after the girls were asleep that I hadn't put them back in place, so I did so in the dark (a fun adventure). Therefore, when on Sunday morning I heard the rain start, my first thought was, "Gee, good thing I put the fly back in place."

My next thought, as I felt water on my face, was "Hm, better close the window."

My next thought, as I realized the rain fly was not in fact keeping the rain out and that the dripping was coming through the mesh ceiling, is not going to be recorded — this is a family friendly blog. *wry grin*

So Chrishurriedlyurridly packed our belongings into the Subaru, while the kids continued to sleep. Once everything else was packed, we woke them, settled Mairi, Chris and Nora under the pavilion, and Tony helped me pack the rest of the tent. I was inclined to be rather annoyed by this rude awakening at the time, but in retrospect there was a definite silver lining. From just as Tony and I finished packing the tent through till when Chris and I departed with the girvariedvarried between a light rain and a downpour. We were actually fortunate to get everything packed when we did, as it turned out.

So, this weekend's adventure is past, but we've made plans to gather for the RenFest in September and for Halloween at Amy & Dave's. It's a very good feeling to know that we have such friends, even if the fact that we see them so rarely makes it a bit bittersweet.

Fantasy artwork

2006-06-15T14:40:00.000-04:00

Trying to find out more about the woman who painted the images used in the wings blog thing (Sheila Wolk), I discovered a whole set of new artists:

Linda Bergkvist

Autumn Whisperlings, n.d.

Jonathon Earl Bowser

Tears of Waialeale, 2001

Kate Dawidziak

Jessica Galbreth

Autumn Splendor, n.d.

Ruth Sanderson

The Oak King , 2000

John Emanuel Shannon

Lady Avalon, 2002

Nene Thomas

Memory, 2005

However, I could find no offical site for Ms. Wolk. :-7

Blog of the day

2006-06-14T13:32:00.000-04:00

101 Cookbooks
Exploring Cookbooks, One Recipe at a Time

I discovered this one because today's entry was the web clip when I was checking my gmail (Toast and Smash Spice Blend - "a quick-yet-fresh approach to the bread/olive oil standard" and "a crumbly nut and spice blend typically associated with Egypt").

If I used this as an approach to writing in my blog, I would never run out of things to write, a fact to which those of you who have seen my cookbook collection can attest.

SNL videdo

2006-06-14T08:50:00.000-04:00

Okay, most of you already know my political leanings (I'd vote Intelligent but that's so rarely on the ticket). I like to think I would have found this humorous regardless...

May 13, 2006 appearance of Al Gore on SNL. What the world would be like if he had taken the 2000 election. (9.9M)

Mairi's fine, it's Mom who's a mess

2006-06-13T09:45:00.000-04:00

"Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it."

— Jane Wagner

Today I left Mairi (my little girl, my first baby) at ECDC for the first time, for summer camp — or, as she says, for "school."

How did she get big enough for this? She was obviously slightly anxious about the whole thing, but she was more curious about the new toys and the new kids. I, on the other hand, stood at the window, watching her for several minutes before I was finally able to tear myself away. I'll probably call in a little while, to see how she's doing (her teacher said I could — I'm obviously not the first anxious parent *grin*).

Somehow I though that the fact that I'm not the one at home with her would make this easier for me — and maybe it has, who's to say. But it hasn't made it easy. I've been repeating to myself the litany of things I've been telling Chris for weeks — that Mairi needs the stimulation and socialization, that she's ready, that it will be good for Nora to have Chris's undivided attention a couple mornings a week, and that it will be good for Chris to have just one child to care for on those days...

It's all still true, but I still feel ... What? Not really sad, not really anxious — I'm quite comfortable with ECDC as a child care place. I guess wistful is the best word. My babies are growing up.