34.4 Weeks: Decision made

Making decisions is not entirely my strong suit. (I'll wait while those of you who know me best stop snickering.) Making really important, care of myself and someone I love decisions? Really stressful, to say the least.

But, you gotta do what you gotta do, right? So, over the past couple weeks I've made phone calls, scheduled appointments with a couple local maternity care providers, and had some conversations. After having had the conversations, I thought about what I should do...

It came down to this: I could choose Option A (close geographically, but with a model of care I don't basically agree with) or Option B (about an hour away, but with the model of care I feel will give me the best chance of giving birth safely and avoiding an unnecessary surgical birth). After talking with Chris, my folks, and a few others, I slept on it.

I woke up realizing there really wasn't much to debate over: in terms of what I truly believe to be in the best interests of myself, my unborn child, and (for the most part) my family it was Option B, no contest.

So why was it so hard to accept that? Several reasons, mostly between my ears. Sure, the idea of driving an hour when in labor is, ahem, unappealing to say the least. The idea of making weekly hour each way drives to the office for my prenatal care is annoying in terms of both gas money and time—as Chris says, however, that's why we have the Prius.

The thing that was really holding me back from making the call was my perception of the unfairness of the situation. The unfairness of me having to drive all this way to get the type of care I feel (based on scientific evidence!) is best for myself and my child, despite there being three hospitals within twenty minutes of home. The unfairness that I have the option of doing so, because of my insurance and my bosses' understanding natures, when so many women wouldn't be able to. The unfairness makes me feel angry and made it difficult to accept that I still needed to do what's best for us, given our circumstances.

But, in the end, I did it. I am now a patient of the midwives at Fairhaven Obstetrics and Gynecology, and the child will be born at Goshen Hospital. The hospital is an official "Baby Friendly Hospital" and there have been midwives attending births there for at least two decades.

It feels good to have the decision made.